In this week’s episode of Best of Both Worlds, we talk about how to construct such a system, and what ours both look like (similar, as you might imagine, though with a few quirks). We talk how to prioritize tasks, so the important ones get done, and things that are less important don’t eat up valuable time.

In the Q&A we answer a meta-question on how we track questions that come in! We always love listener questions, so feel free to share them.

Please give the episode a listen! Do you have a system that makes you feel on top of things?

Yesterday, I worked until 6, then cooked dinner (chicken and rice). The big kids and I ate this around 6:30. The 17-year-old took off for his tutoring gig at around 6:45, and the 15-year-old and 13-year-old and I hung out talking for a bit, until the 15-year-old cleaned up the dishes (his night; I helped some).

After that there were 90 minutes of amorphous 5-year-old time. He wanted me to watch him play some video game for a while, we wandered around the house, I got my laundry out at some point, etc. I gave him a 5-minute bath (we call these “world’s quickest bath” for nights when they won’t be long play baths) and he went to his room at 8:30.

We did Legos for about 30 minutes again – a Spiderman set this time. Meanwhile, the 9-year-old came home and went up to play on the Xbox for a while. He is not supposed to be on screens after 8:30, but since he didn’t get home until 8:40…I didn’t go enforce it. Anyway, after Legos and a very quick story I sat with the 5-year-old. He was asleep in about 5 minutes. Then I went and printed some things for the 17-year-old, dealt with various things (who knows what) and so forth.

Around 9:30 I was in the 9-year-old’s room because he and the 13-year-old were having a discussion about summer camp. The 9-year-old has been to sleepaway camp; the 13-year-old has not, but she just agreed to go with a friend for a week, so they were discussing what you pack, what bathrooms tend to be like, etc. I joined this conversation, then the 9-year-old announced that he wanted to take a bath instead of a shower. Since it was his birthday eve, I decided this was OK, so he went and took a bath with a bath bomb (with a glow-in-the-dark toy inside it) in my tub.

He went back to his room a little after 10. I said goodnight to all the big kids, went to my room and read/scrolled/etc. More scrolled really. I brought up a copy of the Economist, but didn’t have the energy to read it. I was asleep at 11.

I woke up, on my own again, at 5:45. I think I’m hearing the heater kick in or something. Anyway, this time I did not fall back asleep, so I got up at 6:15 and showered. This was supposed to be a quick rinse due to my haircut (with shampoo) later in the day but somehow it took as long as usual. I made coffee at 6:30, got the 13-year-old up at 6:40, then made my breakfast. As on the previous day, I took her down to the bus stop at 7:12. I was back at the house around 7:22. I got the big boys up, managed to work for about 30 minutes (hey, the little boys were still asleep!), then made birthday pancakes at 8 for my newly minted 10-year-old.

He liked his pancakes, as did the 5-year-old. I spent the next 30 minutes or so getting them ready and sorting through the growing mail pile on the counter. At least it is less big now! I drove them to school at 8:45. I stopped by the grocery store at 9:10, was back in the car and home at about 9:25. I worked for an hour, then it was back in the car to go to my 10:30 haircut.

The place is 4 minutes from the house, and I love the people and the place itself is lovely but…I wish my hair cut itself. I’m not one of those people who ever gets into a salon visit! I got home at 11:30 with fluffy blow dried hair, worked on various things (mostly email) for 30 minutes while eating lunch that I’d heated up (leftovers), then did the BOBW Patreon meet-up from 12-1. After that I did more email, then did a BB interview from 1:30-2. I did a few more tasks, then started working on something I’m writing on how I spent all 8784 hours of 2024 (because yes, I know!).

At 3:00 I went for a short walk outside. I intended to work again after, and did for a bit, but people were coming home, and the 17-year-old texted about going back to the doctor (he is still not feeling great). I tried to make a sick visit appointment online and the system wouldn’t let me. I called and was on hold for a while, and put in my number to be called back. An hour later I’m still waiting!

I walked down to get the 10-year-old (!!) from the bus stop at 3:50. We walked back together, and now I’ve been working since 4 on. I’ll probably stop by 6 again and then tonight we will have a little birthday celebration! Turning 10 is a milestone…and it’s also interesting to think that I have records of how I have spent my time since he was 3 months old.

Let me know how the time tracking is going and anything you’ve observed.

Tuesday

6 cook dinner/blogs
6:30 eat w/big kids, hangout
7 kids/clean/laundry, AK
7:30 watch H play/scroll/email
8 H bath, hangout H
8:30 Legos w/H
9 sit w/H, J papers/measure
9:30 chat camp w/A, R, then A’s bath!
10 kids down, scroll/read/relax
10:30 scroll/read/relax, ready bed
11 sleep

Wednesday

5:45 up on own
6 lie in bed, up, shower
6:30 coffee, R up, eat b-fast
7 clean, drive R/van, J, S up
7:30 work
8 make pancakes, boys, sort mail
8:30 sort mail, in car/drive boys, A
9 drop H, McCaffreys, home
9:30 work
10 work, drive
10:30 haircut
11 haircut, drive
11:30 work/lunch
12 work (BOBW Patreon)
12:30 work (BOBW Patreon)
1 work/email/etc.
1:30 work (BB)
2 work/files, work
2:30 work (printing)
3 walk outside, work
3:30 try make appoint, get A
4 back, work
4:30 work

Photo: The Christmas tree came down today, but this was not my job

After posting yesterday, I worked until 6 p.m., then cooked dinner for the older three kids and myself. I made pasta with marinara sauce, which I jazzed up with Italian sausage, mushrooms, peppers, and spinach. One child ate this sauce, the others ate plain marinara. We ate at 6:30. This was a quick dinner (about 15 minutes) and then I helped the 17-year-old (it was his dishes night) and then drove the 15-year-old to his Scouts meeting, which started at 7 p.m. (approximately 5 minutes away).

I drove home just as the little boys and our nanny had gotten home. I said goodbye to her, then got the little boys dinner. As we’d already had our “sit down” dinner (as it were), I let the 5-year-old eat it while watching Caillou in the dining room (on the family computer, which is in the dining room). This meant I could work on my puzzle! I’m doing a 1000-piece puzzle of Pendleton (the blanket company) patterns. I did this from 7:15-8:15 p.m. while Caillou was playing in the background. This was not purely uninterrupted leisure time, as the 5-year-old wanted something else to eat or drink or had to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes. But it was somewhat peaceful!

I went to pick up the 15-year-old at 8:20, and got home 8:30 (the other kids were home with the 5-year-old). I brought the 5-year-old up to his room and we finished this Elsa Lego set he got for Christmas. Lego is marketing these sets as being for ages 4+. I have to say, I think my kid is pretty smart but he is not in anyway capable of doing these sets on his own. Maybe 4+ with heavy adult help. Anyway, we finished, I got him in his jammies, brushed teeth, got him into bed, and then sat there scrolling for 10 minutes while he fell asleep.

At 9:15 I went to hangout with the 9-year-old, who wanted to do art (no one is supposed to have electronics after 8:30 p.m.). We used his brand new Posca markers, and drew images from this book called something like 501 things to draw. I drew a cartoonish girl winking (see art). The 13-year-old joined us for a while. I went to say goodnight to the others, came back to say goodnight to the artists, shut the house, went to my room, entertained a few other questions from people that kept popping up and THEN shut my door and scrolled/read for a little bit. I made it into bed at 10:45 p.m.

I slept all the way through to 5:45 a.m. I lay there in bed for a bit — I thought I was awake the whole time, but since I looked at the clock next at 6:10 I must have dozed. I got up (my alarm was set for 6:40 a.m.), worked for 20 minutes, got coffee, then got the 13-year-old up (6:40). I showered, made sure she was ready, woke up the 17-year-old who needed extra time to put in his new contacts, then got in the van with her at 7:12 and drove her down to the bus stop. (For any new readers: the bus stops at the bottom of the hill and it is a big hill…so to save time in the morning we drive her down on any mornings she is taking the bus. When my husband is around in the AM he drives her to school.)

I got home around 7:22, woke the 15-year-old up at 7:25, then made and ate my breakfast. B (nanny) arrived at 7:40. We chatted through the schedule, I discovered the 5-year-old hiding in the kitchen and was very surprised. Like jumping when I saw a person under the counter. Anyway… I started working at 7:50. I assume the older boys left around 8, but this did not involve me. The 5-year-old was in and out until they left for school around 8:45, but I did “interruptible” work during this time. I kept working until 9:30, then took a 10-minute break for a snack. After that I worked more or less until noon, but there were a few small interludes where I wrapped a few presents, tried to order a pair of eyeglasses for a kid, coordinate camp sign-ups with another mom, and called a birthday party location about headcount. Then I ate lunch (leftovers from last night) and talked on the phone with my husband.

By 12:20 I was back at work, but only for about 40 minutes. I walked down to the mailbox to see how cold it was, and to hunt for our missing Wall Street Journal (I wrote a book review that’s in the paper today…and somehow it didn’t show up! B grabbed a copy at Wawa later). I decided it was too cold to run outside, so I ran on the treadmill from about 1:20-1:50. At this point I went hunting for the missing eyeglasses (whose absence was requiring ordering a new pair). I found a pair of glasses in the child’s room. Victory…though it turns out these were a pair that were lost 6 months ago, not the pair lost this week. I may be losing my mind.

Anyway, I then worked from 2-3:15. At this point, the 13-year-old came home, and I confirmed she was game for the sleepaway camp her friend’s mom suggested. She was, so I went ahead and registered. This only took 15 minutes (not any of the health forms or anything yet, just the deposit), so that was quick. Then there were more attempts to order the extra pair of eyeglasses, but we’re missing a metric and I keep getting automated emails that the picture isn’t right and…

I attempted to get back to work around 3:40, and mostly texted back and forth with an author friend who was trying to source a quote of mine (“going to bed early is how grown-ups sleep in.”) This resulted in me Googling myself and seeing how AI explains my quotes. This was all fun and games but not terribly productive. Which is fine since at 3:50 I started walking down to the bus stop to meet the 9-year-old (B was picking up the 5-year-old from an after school activity). On the way I bumped into the arborist who was walking around looking at our trees (we have a lot of old trees…that need to be trimmed or they fall on things). We chatted for long enough that the 9-year-old was walking up and sending me messages from his new Gizmo watch asking where I was. I met him halfway up the hill and we chatted about how his dad and I have a lot of typos in our text messages to him.

As you can see, the day was pretty distracted by this point. I answered a few emails, then went to my home workout area to train with my trainer (virtually). I normally do this on Mondays but I was traveling yesterday so it was rescheduled to 4:30 p.m. today. I lifted weights, did push-ups, etc for 30 minutes. Then I threw a load of my clothes in the washing machine, and started typing this around 5:15. I’ll probably cook dinner around 6 (B is off with the 9-year-old at swim and parkour, and I have the 5-year-old + older kids for the evening).

See below for what all of this looks like on my spreadsheets (well, a pasted in version of the spreadsheet).

Monday:

5AM
5:30 5:40 hear M, up, shower
6 dress, breakfast, hair
6:30 hair, get R up, B, ready, drive
7 drive
7:30 drive
8 stop Chesapeake House, drive
8:30 drive
9 drive, park, walk around
9:30 work/drink at cafe
10 work/to event
10:30 work (speech)
11 work (speech)
11:30 work (speech)
12PM work (other talk)
12:30 to car, drive
1 drive
1:30 stop, get food, drive
2 drive
2:30 drive
3 home, unpack, R, work
3:30 work
4 walk outside
4:30 work
5 work
5:30 work
6 cook dinner
6:30 eat w/kids, help J, drive S
7 home, H dinner, puzzle/H
7:30 puzzle/H Caillou
8 puzzle/H, go get S, home
8:30 Legos w/H
9 sit w/H, art w/A, then R
9:30 art (R,A), kid chats
10 to room (R), read/relax
10:30 scroll, in bed, sleep
11

Tuesday

5:30 5:45 up on own
6 doze? up, work
6:30 coffee/read, R, shower
7 R ready, J, in van, wait, back, S
7:30 breakfast, chat B (H hidden!), work
8 work
8:30 work (AQ)
9: work (AQ)
9:30 (10 min break) work
10 wrap presents, work
10:30 work (+ admin: camp, glasses)
11 work (record BB), email
11:30 work
12 lunch/chat M (phone), work
12:30 work
1 mailbox, change, run
1:30 run (2 + walk), find glasses
2 work
2:30 work
3 work, sign R up camp
3:30 R, J measure, work (quote)
4 A, work
4:30 train with (trainer)

What do we hope to do in 2025? We look at the realms of personal, work, relationship, and home goals. Then in the Q&A we discuss how often we review our lists — seasonally, or more? Please give the episode a listen!

Since I didn’t manage to get a blog post up last week, I’ll also use this one to tout last week’s episode: our “2024 in review” episode, reporting on highlights, lowlights, and our 2024 goals. How did we do on those? Listen to this episode and find out! And then you can listen to the episode that will come out at the very end of 2025 to find out how we did on this year’s ideas.

Thank you so much for listening! It’s been a great year for Best of Both Worlds. We’ve also enjoyed having our Patreon community, and have lots in store for that in 2025. See you in the new year!

In the Q&A, a listener writes in asking about activities for teens and tweens — what are some things this age group will be excited to do with the family? This definitely gets challenging as the kids get older! (Though Starbucks probably features prominently…)

Please give the episode a listen! And please consider joining our Patreon community. Next week Thursday (12/19) we’ll be hosting our annual goal-setting workshop. Sarah will lead us in various exercises to figure out the upcoming year. Membership is $9/month (and you can quit at any point).

In this episode we discuss the planners that we are both using (and have used). A planner on its own won’t change everything, but if a pretty planner nudges you to plan more regularly and thoughtfully…that’s not a bad thing!

In the Q&A a listener asks what the highest costs are in raising teens. There are the obvious ones (college? Or private school for folks who go that route…) but there are also things to consider in terms of lessons/contests/trips/etc. These are all optional, to be sure, but we’ve also realized over the years that we want to be able to provide a lot of these things. That’s something to think about when making financial choices (to the extent that people are able to do so).

Please give the episode a listen. And please consider joining our Patreon community. We have a great discussion going this week of jobs that are both flexible and high-paying. Membership is $9/month, and includes access to monthly online meet-ups where we discuss all things work and life.

The 17-year-old did a singing competition where he had multiple appearances in front of judges (not low stress!). I had sort of assumed he could just drive himself there (it was 30 minutes away) but since he is under 18 he was required to have a chaperone. Fortunately I found this out before the actual competition itself (phew!), but it did require some recalculating of the weekend to make sure everyone else still had rides.

We also had a swim meet on Sunday for the 9-year-old that was on my calendar as a “swim team carnival” — I sort of assumed it was a drop in Halloween-themed thing…but then my husband told me it was a meet. And the 9-year-old was in several events. I also made myself available to the 17-year-old as he was filling out college apps — not low-stress!

(Though I remind myself and him that he has been admitted to one of our flagship state schools already, and any other applications are just if-he-wants-to extra. Also, the 9-year-old did really well! He is fast.)

There were multiple Halloween parties, kid get-togethers, a music lesson and such. But, before I construct a narrative that I didn’t have any time for myself this weekend, I can look back on my log and remind myself of a few highlights.

For instance, on Friday afternoon I went for a walk with a friend in a nearby nature preserve. The leaves were very pretty! I also sat on the hammock for 30 minutes reading a magazine.

On Saturday, in between rounds of this singing competition (I decided to drive us back home for a bit in between) I went for a 40-minute run in a different nearby nature preserve. Also pretty!

On Sunday, I hit up the big kids to babysit the 4-year-old while my husband was at the swim meet, and I went on a scheduled tour of the Woodmont Estate not too far from my house. This house has quite an interesting history (it’s still run by the Peace Mission Movement) and I’d never been inside, so I took the opportunity. Fascinating. Then the 17-year-old invited me to go to a pumpkin-carving party with him — one of his friend’s families was hosting, and he said parents could come too. I was flattered to be invited and had a good time.

So, still a lot of good stuff. And I worked a bit on my puzzle – which is harder than I’d planned on. The pieces are randomly shaped, meaning a straight edge doesn’t mean it’s an edge piece…ugh. Slow progress…

In other news: I collaborated with the PeachTree Virtual Assistant agency (which I have used for my VAs!) to produce a “Time management playbook.” This has lots of practical tips on organizing your time. You can download it from their website at this link. (Scroll down to the second line or so).

Photo: Fall light and flowers

On Wednesday, I put on my plan for Thursday that I would get up early(ish) and run on the treadmill. No one had to be up before 7 a.m., so I was going to set my alarm for 6:20 a.m., a time that allows me to be up and running by 6:30-6:35 or so, giving me a 25-minute workout, more or less. I have done this a few times since our new morning schedule started with the new school year. (I used to have to be up around 6:30 so this isn’t even any earlier than what I was doing all last year!)

However, as I was getting into bed on Wednesday night, I realized that I absolutely did not want to wake up at 6:20 a.m. I did not want to get into my exercise clothes and force myself to run. I wanted to have a more soft start to the day — something I’ve been wanting most days. I don’t really want to be up and running.

So…maybe running early is not the right plan for me right now. The good news is that I work at home and have a pretty flexible schedule. Most days I need a mental break by mid-afternoon. So I’m planning on blocking out an hour (1-2? 1:30-2:30?) at least a few days a week to go for a run when it’s light and when it’s the warmest it will be in winter. Or I can go on the treadmill and since that’s in the same room as my weights, do a strength workout too. That’s what I wound up doing Thursday afternoon. Maybe I’ll be a little smelly after but…hey, working from home. If I have anywhere important to go later I can clean myself up.

I have written a lot about morning routines (and I host a podcast called Before Breakfast!) but I am on record noting that there’s no reason to get up early to do stuff just to do so. The reason morning exercise works for a lot of people is that this is the only time when it fits. They can’t just stop working from 1-2 p.m. and exercise. They need to get home after work and can’t stop somewhere for an hour to exercise. And by late at night very few people want to exercise. But if I can exercise in the middle of the day, I don’t actually need to get up early. So there’s no real reason to force myself.

In other news: Content round-up! This week, over at Before Breakfast, the longer episode was an interview with Lisa Woodruff. She’s the founder of Organize 365, a company that teaches people how to get their life and stuff in order. She is running a business and getting her PhD simultaneously, so she’s not only got organization tips, she’s got a lot of personal time management tips too. Please check that out!

Other Before Breakfast episodes included “Make hay while the sun shines” (it’s often wise to change things slightly to take advantage of a temporary opportunity) and “If you want to run more, sign up for a race.” While I don’t plan to run any more half marathons any time soon, my Thanksgiving 5k is motivating me to do some speed work…

My new Substack newsletter is called “Vanderhacks” and it features an every-weekday-morning tip. This week I suggested ideas so people “Don’t get lost in transition” (are you more like a tiny boat or a big oil tanker when it comes to turning yourself around?) and behind the paywall I suggested “Little ways to level up your career” — ten things you can do today to make your career more resilient. The current cadence is 3 free and 2 paid posts per week. Please check it out and consider subscribing!

Over at the Best of Both Worlds Patreon community, we had a great discussion of all things meal planning during our monthly Zoom meet-up. The video is available to members. This week we’ve also been discussing teen jobs (our own and our kids’) and music lessons (a surprising source of mental load around here…)

And here’s a sonnet, called “Portland 7:45a.m.” — when I was out running (but NOT at 6:20 a.m….)

By day the heat is gentle, here the sun
has tilted, rising lower in the sky.
October feels like summer, just for fun,
comes visit for a bit before goodbye.

I run between the bricks, the city leaves
have yellowed, and the wind blows off the sound.
A hulking ship pulls in, the port receives
its guest, and I can see its bulk around

the bend, where little sails are speckled, bright
just like the clouds. A dog runs on the sand.
This morning, like all mornings, brings new light,
and all the past’s a shadow, where the hand

of time has left it. See, the bar’s old hose
will splash away the night, which — swirling — goes.

(Time for the annual question…are you Team Pumpkin or no? I like pumpkin bread and pumpkin muffins, but have not embraced the PSL lifestyle or, for that matter, pumpkin beer.)

We discuss our favorite fall products and such, and then pivot to the topic of energy. A listener wrote in that she thought we (as in me + SHU) seemed very energetic and wondered why she didn’t feel so energetic. First, we needed to stress that we tend to pep ourselves up for recording, but then also empathize that this listener’s situation (often solo parenting a toddler) is tough. We share some ideas for managing energy and finding life more doable.

Please give the episode a listen! We welcome ratings and reviews. Please also consider joining the BOBW Patreon community. Next week (on 10/22) we’ll be meeting up by Zoom to discuss all things meal-planning. I know I’m looking forward to getting some new ideas. Membership is $9/month.

However, sometimes there are things that need to be looked at and dealt with eventually, but don’t need to be done right that minute. We’re talking filling in the Google form a coach sent out, or checking a new school calendar of events that’s been sent from the HSA, or buying pretzels for upcoming half days at the elementary school, or filling out a survey for a work project, or signing a form or…Many things.

I tend to let these pile up and then deal with them every few days during a batch processing time. Friday is a good time for this. I sometimes do a mid-week email triage as well.

On Friday the 4th, however, the kids were out of school and while I was working that day, it was a short day. So it didn’t happen. Then last week I was in Portland and I wasn’t really building in email processing time so even more stuff piled up. I got home late Friday afternoon and immediately went into picking up kids various places.

On Saturday my husband took the older four kids white water rafting (!) and we had a sitter for a while for the 4-year-old, so I seized the opportunity to sit down and deal with the mess of the previous two weeks. Since I track my time, I also know how long this took me: 2.5 hours to get to current.

Now, I don’t know if that’s entirely fair as a count as I spent a reasonable chunk of time on an advertiser survey that was pretty thorough. But I guess every week brings *something* that has to be filled out. So maybe it is an accurate reading of the stuff from the last two weeks.

Two and a half hours seems like a long time but I also imagine that if I’d dealt with all those things in the moment, they would have taken a lot longer than 2.5 hours because I’d be going in and out of things. So I think batching is the way to go, even if it’s not necessarily the most fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

Do you batch process email and the tasks that land in your inbox?

Speaking of batching…we are failing on this on the grocery front. There is a rather nice grocery store (McCaffrey’s, for any grocery store experts…) that is approximately a 4 minute drive from the house. This opened a year ago and as a result we don’t wind up thinking too much about what we need because it’s so easy just to stop by. But the net result is that my husband went to a different grocery store (Wegman’s) Friday night (after seeing Beetlejuice with our daughter) and bought some stuff, and then I went on Saturday to the local one to get some more groceries for the week…and then I realized we didn’t have stuff for hamburgers on Sunday night (a frequent choice) so I went back Sunday afternoon…and then got home and realized we didn’t have hot dogs (which we *always* have since we buy from Costco usually…but I guess some kid developed a real hankering for them?). Our nanny will likely get hot dogs and some other things today but she is more rationally making a list from looking at the pantry…

In other news: It’s definitely looking like fall around here! If you’re looking for a fall read, the first half of my novel, The Cortlandt Boys, takes place in a cozy small town in the Poconos during autumn. This remains my favorite thing I’ve ever written. Please give it a read! Or if you’d like a little time management in your fiction, Juliet’s School of Possibilities takes place in October in a place much like Cape May, NJ. You can learn more about this fable here.