See Luminature at the Philadelphia Zoo. This did not start promisingly, as the little boys whined a lot. But I purchased them little light-up toys to wave around and they cheered up. The 9-year-old did deign to tell me that it was a lot of fun. So that was a win.

Get Christmas lights professionally installed. Yep, it’s been fun to see the trees lit up when I come home! I think next year I might spring to get a few more trees wrapped in lights. They gave me a bid to line the driveway with lights, but since we have a very long driveway, I balked. I am, fundamentally, a frugal person, and there are limits to my holiday merriment.

Attend the Pentatonix concert. My 17-year-old and I went to this in Madison Square Garden two days before Thanksgiving. It honestly feels like a lifetime ago at this point! I enjoyed the concert a lot and he did too.

Host Thanksgiving. I did indeed cook a turkey. I did not run the Thanksgiving morning 5k because it was pouring down rain but I ran on my street (so I could duck quickly into the house to warm up). My little brother brought sourdough rolls, which were wonderful (I’d needed a sub for my sister-in-law’s rolls since she was traveling to her family!). It was also fun to get together with SHU’s family over Thanksgiving weekend.

Visit Longwood Gardens. I did this as a date night with my husband but I am still hoping to go back one more time before the Christmas decorations end on Jan 12th. I enjoyed seeing the brand new greenhouse.

Sing in many Christmas concerts. This was kind of the defining feature of my December. I sang in both a carol concert and the Bach B-Minor Mass with Choral Arts Philadelphia. I sang in a service of lessons and carols and the Christmas Eve service with my church choir. So much singing. It was great. I was so worried I’d get a respiratory virus and lose my voice but I managed to keep that part of my body healthy at least. We shall not speak of the norovirus epidemic.

Do a cookie baking extravaganza. My daughter and I went to visit my mom in New Jersey and we baked Christmas cookies and gingerbread cookies while there.

Have breakfast with Santa. We went to Neiman Marcus and did their breakfast up in the cafe. People got balloons and face paint. My frugal children did their annual balking at the price tags on stuff we had to walk through to get to the cafe.

Watch the Nutcracker. Did not happen. I bought tickets, then my companion (17-year-old) got sick and we did not go. I will aim for next year!

See the Rockettes in NYC. All of us drove into the city and watched the show this year, then went out to dinner. There were elements that reminded me why we left the city (walking around in 17 degree weather…the restaurant not being able to seat us until 20 minutes after our reservation and we were waiting in a crowd of people and constantly having to move…) but the show was fun. We may not go see the Rockettes next year as the show was pretty much the same as last year. Perhaps they change it up every few years. But we might go back to see lights and go shopping in NYC.

Watch kids in the Christmas pageant. My reader did excellent and my sheep was a very convincing sheep.

Get matching family pajamas. We wound up with a red and black plaid pattern from Amazon. It worked!

Read Christmas stories with the 4 (now 5) year old. He is still a beast at bedtime, but we read a lot of Christmas stories. Last night we read Jan Brett’s Home for Christmas, which is about a naughty troll, and I felt like potentially there was some identification with said troll.

Do the Lego Christmas scene and some Christmas puzzles. We finally finished the Lego set last weekend! I did two 1000-piece holiday-themed puzzles, plus a 500-piece winter themed one.

Enjoy myself. Well, some of the time. There was a lot of stress with gift procurement, traveling right after Christmas, and trying not to get sick. But there were some nice moments too. A holiday season is vast, and contains multitudes.

I came home and then mostly finished the wrapping. There are only a few small items left to do. The sibling presents (minus the 15-year-old’s since he ordered online for delivery today or tomorrow) are under the real, more informal tree (my kids call this the “tree of the people.”). The family presents for Christmas day are under the “fancy tree”  (the fake one with all white/silver/gold lighting and ornaments). My extended family’s presents are in my office, to be taken out when they show up this weekend.

I’m thinking maybe next year a goal could be to finish more of the shopping earlier. I start to feel more relaxed about Christmas when everything is procured and wrapped. So if this was done at Thanksgiving, December could mostly be about experiences.

Easier said than done of course, as people change their minds about their Christmas lists, and there are more gift-oriented items on sale by December. But something to think about.

In the meantime, here is a currently-unnamed sonnet. Looking for something catchy as a title!

Before the stars, before the planets set
into their orbits, which define a day
and year, then what was time? The alphabet
came after words, one could still chance to say

“I love you” never knowing what was “v”
or “l” or what it meant to write a thought.
These constructs come after the thing, we see
our rules imposed on things existing not

because of rules — and yet, how good to know
that if we say we’ll meet at 3 p.m.
at the appointed point of spin we’ll go
to our shared spot on earth and on a whim

we’ll write each other notes, sweet nothings, such —
these lines that mean so little and so much.

Friday the celebrations started at my little guy’s preschool. He will turn 5 over the winter break, so my husband and I went to celebrate with his class. I read the Jan Brett story “Who’s That Knocking on Christmas Eve?” (a classic in our house), I showed baby pictures (we show one from each year) and then we had cupcakes and strawberries. We have done a lot of these birthday celebrations at this preschool, starting with my eldest’s 5th birthday, which was approximately 12.5 years ago. And this was the last one! End of an era for sure.

Then in the evening, my husband and I went to his office’s holiday party. This is another thing I have been doing for a very long time (and will do for limited more times — he will be retiring from this place at least in 3.5 years). I have learned my lesson from earlier years and now I own long sleeve festive dresses, as winter is cold, and if I were wearing something sleeveless I would just be sitting there in my big puffy coat the whole time. Anyway, we hung out with the folks I know fairly well, and made it home at a reasonable hour (10:45 p.m.) which was key because we had…

Robotics at 6:45 am! My husband took kid #2 to the high school to get the 6:45 a.m. bus to a robotics tournament that was about 45 minutes away. I wasn’t sure I’d make it back to sleep, but I did until 8 a.m. — at which point it was up (kid #1 and me) to go to the dress rehearsal for our church choir concert. We sang through all the pieces in the lessons and carols service, and made it home by about 12:30 or so. (There may have been a Starbucks stop along the way).

Since we had childcare for the little guy on Saturday, I took the three kids I still had (#1, #3, #4) ice skating downtown at the ice rink on the Delaware River in the late afternoon. While this was not on my official Holiday Fun List, it is really quite fun. The weather was perfect (clear and about 34 degrees, so the ice stayed frozen but we were not so cold it was unpleasant). We skated for about an hour. I’m thinking maybe I should have signed kid #4 up for hockey as he was just zipping around everywhere…

Meanwhile, my husband (who does not like to ice skate) went to the robotics tournament to get kid #2, and then take him downtown not too far from the rink to go to the Battleship New Jersey. His scout troop was staying on the ship overnight, so that was quite an adventure for sure.

The next morning we had tickets for all 7 of us for breakfast with Santa at a department store. There had been some discussion of going to get kid #2 off the battleship to come with us, but we decided he didn’t have to go. So it was breakfast for 6 (they still set the table with the fixed menu for 7 and my other kids ate all the good stuff off the extra plate…). It was all right as these things go — the little kids got balloon animals and we took pictures with Santa. I’m still trying to figure out the breakfast with Santa experience we’d enjoy most around here. We used to like the Longwood Gardens one, but then they stopped doing it for a bit.

After, I took three of the kids shopping for sibling gifts at Target. Let’s just say we survived the experience! I dropped those three kids off at home, picked up kid #2 from the local scout house, then hung out for about 2 hours until it was time for the choir holiday concert.

This wasn’t so much a concert as a service of lessons and carols — with readings, and a brass quintet. It’s been fun to sing with my 17-year-old in this ensemble, and I thought the choir sounded quite good. Some pieces are familiar, but every holiday season I learn new ones, like a Norman Dello Joio Christmas Carol that is based on a GK Chesterton poem. My husband came to hear us (leaving the little guy with the other kids – an upside of older children) and then we came home to watch the Eagles game and I did Christmas Legos with kid #3. This set is taking longer than any have in past years because my Lego helpers have gotten older and busier.

But so it goes…The thing about the holiday season is you do so much of the same year to year, but things can’t be the same because we change. Now it’s on to a week of holiday concerts for the kids, more choir rehearsals, and then it will be weekend #3…

It is…a lot of work. I’ve also been working hard on learning my Bach for the B-Minor mass. I’m happy to report that at rehearsal on Monday I knew my notes cold. I never got lost, even in those long runs of crazy 5 or 6 part harmony where I’m in the middle of everything (second soprano line). Now the goal is to mostly be able to look up and to really be able to listen to everyone else.

I am really enjoying the music, though. Hopefully the music will sound like magic, remembering the line that “all magic is just labor, hidden well.” I suppose that is true of the writing of this piece three centuries ago too!

In the meantime, I went to one band concert this week, and I have another kid band concert and choir concert to go to next week. Today I read at the preschool to celebrate the 4-year-old’s upcoming birthday. That happens over the holiday break, so we’re celebrating ahead of time. This weekend there is a choir concert and breakfast with Santa and an office holiday party. And hopefully a little downtime for puzzles.

In the meantime, some of this week’s content….Over at Vanderhacks (my Substack newsletter), I talked about “How to embrace the resolutions preseason” (that one’s behind the paywall). I also suggested that people “Find a micro-hobby” to celebrate their time confetti, and I wrote about how “Open space invites opportunity.” Please consider either a free or paid subscription!

Before Breakfast also had some holiday content, with a suggestion to “Give experiences,” and to “Remember to enjoy yourself.” (Worth noting this time of year!) I also interviewed the incredibly prolific romance and thriller novelist Sarina Bowen. She talked about how she gets ideas, keeps track of her ideas, and then executes on these ideas (to the tune of multiple bestselling books a year; her thriller The Five Year Lie recently hit #1 for thrillers on Audible). Please check that out too!

On Saturday I got up bright and early to drive my eldest to the SAT (NOT on anyone’s holiday fun list, but hey…). He didn’t want to deal with the stress of getting there and parking (it wasn’t at our local high schools) so I took him. I don’t know that he was thrilled with how it went but this is definitely the last time he will take it, so at least there is that!

After, I drove downtown for my dress rehearsal for the Choral Arts Philadelphia carols concert. This is the choir I am singing the Bach B-Minor mass with later this month, but they turned out to have two concerts this cycle, so this was a bonus to get to sing with them for another show. We ran through the numbers with our flute, bassoon, and organ musicians, took a break (I got to explore Rittenhouse Square a bit) and then we performed to a full Holy Trinity Church (apparently 500+ tickets sold). I really really enjoyed this (someone who was in the audience told me I looked like I was having a really good time). The choir’s blend is fantastic. Now I am really excited for Bach!

Sunday was church as usual and then my daughter and I drove to New Jersey to my parents’ apartment where we did a cookie baking extravaganza. We’d made the dough before hand for gingerbread men, so we rolled those out and baked those, then did sugar cookies (my mom had made the dough for those). We ended with many, many cookies so we’ll be working our way through those for a while. While we were waiting for the cookies to cool (to frost) my mom and daughter played something of a heated game of Scrabble, and we helped decorate their tabletop tree.

Now it’s back to work today, but on my list is triaging presents — seeing what we have and what we still need. We’re at that stage in December where there are piles of boxes in my office and I haven’t opened them all, meaning no doubt some random household items like toothpaste are in the Amazon boxes too and I just haven’t found them. It’s feeling a little disorganized, so I want to be on top of it. Then, hopefully, I will be more relaxed about the season…

In other news: I’m cranking along on the manuscript of Big Time, my next book. I’m working on a chapter on being “open to serendipity” — elaborating on an idea I’ve mentioned before that open space invites opportunity into one’s life in a way a cluttered calendar can’t. I know that some of my biggest opportunities have come because I followed a random thread, or responded to an email that might have led to something…but might not have. It’s helpful to build a schedule where at least some randomness can reach you. Anyway, I am always looking for stories of something serendipitous that has happened because of following a random thread. As always you can email me laura at laura vanderkam dot com.

I am also finalizing my 2025 goals list — we record this episode of Best of Both Worlds ahead of time so I try to lock it in…still noodling on the year-long project!!

*Getting together with friends for breakfast and coffee and hearing from more far-flung people.

*Going out for Mexican food (a margarita! guacamole!) with my family. They gave me miniature accessories for my miniature kitchen, and some puzzles.

*Hearing my church choir sing Happy Birthday at rehearsal — pitched very very high as part of the warm-up. I will never hear it sung that high at a birthday party!

* The birthday thread on our Patreon page! SHU asked people to post something they’d learned from me and it is making me feel many warm fuzzies to know my catchphrases are going through people’s heads!

* I’m headed to Longwood Gardens with my husband this weekend to see the lights and Christmas displays.

So, lots of good stuff. As for content, the Before Breakfast podcast suggested people “Plan a Monday adventure” and “Go in search of lost time.” As the longer episode, I did a time makeover of a Before Breakfast listener named Haley, talking about some various things she tried in her life and how they worked.

Over at Vanderhacks, my Substack newsletter, I discussed how to make time for speculative projects in a post called “Put big dreams first.” Behind the paywall I had tips on “How to make virtual events more engaging,” and ideas on “How to enjoy your birthday as an adult.”

Finally, here’s a sonnet, called “Bus stop.”

Four weeks before the solstice, and the sky
is full of shadows, lengthened on the street.
The school bus stops, the children shout and try
to stop the boy from racing off. His feet

are pushing out his shoes, his elbows taut,
his eyelashes are tangled and his hair
is rumpled. See, he reaches — soon he’s caught
a single yellow leaf. The autumn air

is chilled with wind, then warm in setting sun,
this moment in between when all is light.
So why should we be sad? The boy will run,
and any thoughts of darkness take to flight

like squawking birds, against the golden gleam
of afternoon, of joy that’s like a dream.

Anyway, I hosted Thanksgiving this year, so much of Thursday was filled with cooking. My sister-in-law who makes the magnificent rolls was not with us this time, but my little brother made some sourdough rolls that were different but also excellent, so it was all good. He and his wife stayed overnight, and later in the evening we broke out some ice wine from the wine collection we got with the house (the previous owner was downsizing significantly, and also didn’t really drink, so it was a reasonable thing to throw in). My husband and I aren’t big wine drinkers either, so when we have parties we go down there and find something random. It was ice wine from Virginia this time. It was actually good!

On Friday we got our (live) Christmas tree in the morning from the local fire station’s fundraiser. Then, shortly after we got it into the stand, it was time for Sarah and her family to visit, so their kids helped decorate the tree (I checked to make sure this wasn’t problematic; I was assured it was fine). Then we did gingerbread houses and my husband made his oyster soup for the adults. Yum!

My husband and the two older boys then took off for Texas — they went to the Texas/Texas A&M game in College Station. Alas, the game did not go the way my Aggie husband was hoping, but they had a good time visiting the old haunts, including his childhood house (they know the people who bought it) — which was remarkably not that changed.

Meanwhile, I was entertaining the younger three. On Saturday, when I had some babysitting hours for the littlest, I took the next two oldest to the Brandywine River Museum of Art to see the holiday train exhibit, the critter tree, and the dollhouse. We drove 45 minutes to only be there 30 minutes, and I didn’t actually get to see any of the art, but hey. The kids were happy with this accelerated version of a museum visit, especially when we stopped at Wawa and then Starbucks on the way home. (I also had a really good time doing art with these two after the 4-year-old went to bed — with five kids it’s often fun to have different combinations of kids at different points and see how things play out…)

Given that my husband and older two sons (i.e. the people who will eat real food) were gone, I was really on my own for getting through the leftovers. I ate five straight meals of leftover turkey this weekend. I was also running the dishwasher multiple times per day until the kitchen was finally clean (I still haven’t dealt with the placemats in the dining room…on the list…). But I came up with a creative way to use the rest of the cranberries: Cranberry cookies! There’s a recipe on the back of the children’s book Cranberry Christmas, so we made that. There’s a lot of sugar, but it’s balanced out by the tart cranberries.

I did a lot of online shopping and I’m happy to report that a lot of the kid stuff is taken care of. There is more to be done still, but I’m feeling a bit more like there is a plan. I’ll probably wind up taking a half day Wednesday to go to the stores when they’re a little emptier. There are some upsides to self-employment…

I didn’t do a content round-up last week, but a few to check out:

At the Before Breakfast podcast I interviewed Joel and Matt! The hosts of the “How to Money” podcast came on to talk about staying financially sane over the holidays. For the shorter episodes, I suggested that you “Text your response” — even if you’re not sending holiday cards you can participate in the cheer. I also gave my number one tip for more peaceful travel: “Be ready to block out the world.” It can be frustrating to be in a hotel by the elevator or ice maker, or in a train car with someone who wants to share their phone conversation with the world. But as long as you have the power to block out the world, sound-wise, you can be much more calm. Of course if you are traveling with small kids and can’t block out the world, this is a different matter, but…

At Vanderhacks (my Substack newsletter) I reminded people that “All magic is just labor, hidden well.” I noted that “You have as much time today as you’ll ever have.” Then there’s the insight that “You can try again.” There are many reasons things don’t work the first time, and sometimes the answer is not that the thing is a bad idea! Please consider a free or paid subscription, and thanks for reading!

It’s the holiday season, and this week’s Best of Both Worlds talks about how to plan out the next few weeks. We recommend taking a mindful approach of figuring out what everyone truly wants to do — though of course tradition does carry some weight. We talk about what *we* would like to receive as gifts as well!

Please give the episode a listen. We’ll be gathering with our Patreon community at noon (Eastern), today, 11/26, to discuss how to curate a holiday season. If you’d like to join you can go to our Patreon page (if you see this after noon, don’t worry, there’s a recording). We’re also happy to announce that our annual goal-setting workshop will be December 19th (also at noon, eastern) and Sarah will lead us through some goal setting exercises for 2025. That’s always a great one! Membership is $9/month and includes access to our forum, where we have 3-4 discussion threads going each week on issues of work/life.

Those things are not going on the official List, though, because this year the List is specifically about things I find fun! Here’s what we will do.

See Luminature at the Philadelphia Zoo. I’ll take the two little boys on the night the big kids are going to see Wicked. These lights are pretty and, more importantly, only about 20 minutes from the house. This will kick off the holiday festivities for me!

Get Christmas lights professionally installed. This is already done— we have several trees wrapped with lights. It’s fun to see them come on as darkness falls. Also fun: the crew will come get them and take them down in January. Our house manager is putting up the official “fancy tree” this week — the artificial one with matching ornaments. I’m hoping for candles in the window soon.

Attend the Pentatonix concert. This was a last-minute addition to the list, but I got tickets and am bringing my oldest to go see their Christmas repertoire.

Host Thanksgiving. A few members of my extended family will be joining us. I also plan to run a turkey trot 5k that morning. My 15-year-old is signed up to run it, as is SHU (she is visiting her family, who live near me, for Thanksgiving)! They will both be running far faster than me. At least I can say hello at the start and the end. My sister-in-law who makes the fabulous rolls turns out to have other Thanksgiving plans this year so we’ll need to come up with a substitute.

Visit Longwood Gardens. My husband and I plan to do this as a date night to celebrate my birthday. I feel like the kids always rush me through the pretty decorations. So this time we are not bringing the kids! But we might go some other time with the kids. I bought the Longwood membership where you don’t have to make reservations, and A Longwood Christmas is almost completely sold out, so I feel like I have the hot ticket here…

Sing in many Christmas concerts. I’m singing a concert of carols with Choral Arts Philadelphia, and then also doing a service of lessons and carols with my church choir. I’ll sing in the Christmas Eve service with my church choir and then in the New Year’s Eve performance of Bach’s B-Minor mass with Choral Arts. Singing the B-Minor mass has been on my bucket list for years so I’m really excited about this.

Do a cookie baking extravaganza. My daughter and I are likely heading over to my mom’s house to do this. Fake butter will be involved! I think we might be able to make three types of cookies in an afternoon.

Have breakfast with Santa. I want to do this, and my daughter really wanted to do this, so we booked a breakfast for seven at an area department store. We have been instructed (by said daughter) to dress up this time.

Watch the Nutcracker. I think only the oldest kid wants to do this with me, but I always like the music and the dancing. I have not purchased tickets yet as finding a time is challenging (See: everything else on the schedule) but my husband and I are theoretically having a December calendar meeting tonight. Stay tuned.

See the Rockettes in NYC. We bought tickets to bring all seven of us this year! We’ll also go out to dinner in New York afterwards (reservation for 7 = made), and see the Rockefeller Center tree.

Watch kids in the Christmas pageant. Only 2 are performing this year, but that’s fine. I will miss this when no one wants to do it anymore!

Get matching family pajamas. We’ve ordered pajama sets from Pajamagram for the last 5 years, but the problem with doing that is we’ve kind of exhausted their inventory of pajamas we like. So this year my daughter chose a basic red and black pattern and we bought pairs from a few different vendors on Amazon. This is another tradition that I’m not sure will last forever. There is a lot of grumbling. But I think we can squeeze out another year or two.

Read Christmas stories with the 4-year-old. He’s been a bit of a beast at bedtime lately. But we do enjoy reading together. I’m heavily pushing the Christmas stories to him in between the Spiderman books that he wants me to read to him. I like Christmas Farm, Pick a Pine Tree, Cranberry Christmas, Apple Tree Christmas, Christmas Day in the Morning, 5 Sleeps Until Christmas, The Night Before the Night Before Christmas, How Santa Got His Job, The Christmas Wish, and others. The Grinch is fun to read maybe twice but he kind of likes to read that one a lot.

Do the Lego Christmas scene and some Christmas puzzles. I’ll make the North Pole Lego post office (this year’s scene) with the 15-year-old (who is indulging me) and the 13-year-old (who probably is too). I just finished the holiday carolers scene puzzle from White Mountain that a lovely BLP Live participant gave me. I’ll clear the dining room table for Thanksgiving and then even if December is short there will be time for a few more puzzles before the holidays.

Enjoy myself. If you are your family’s chief magic maker you know that this actually does need to go on the list as a reminder. (As the line from last year’s Christmas sonnet goes, “All magic is just labor, hidden well.”)

What’s on your holiday fun list?

But there was also a fair amount of open time — some of which I didn’t have the 4-year-old for. So I kept thinking that I should be getting ahead on all the stuff for the holidays. I know December is about to hit like a big storm, and I’m thinking that I should be stocking up on metaphorical pop-tarts and bottled water. I made and ordered our Christmas card. The 13-year-old picked out family pajamas and ordered them. She and I also started on the Christmas Lego set! I mostly have the holiday fun list (coming later this week) and I worked on choosing dates for anything that needs an assigned date. If something is on the list without a date there’s a big chance it won’t happen as — guess what! — the holiday season is really short this year. We come out of Thanksgiving weekend and it’s already December. There are only 3 December Saturdays before Christmas this year. The gift shopping will be something and that is no where near started but it will happen eventually. And I shouldn’t rush through Thanksgiving as there is a lot of fun happening with that too…

Anyway! Perhaps I am not very good at relaxing. I did spend a bit of time working on my puzzle. And a lot of time practicing music for 3 upcoming concerts before New Year’s Day. Also, there are three kid music concerts too in December…

In the meantime, this might be the last of the autumnal sonnets, with a working title of “Past Peak”:

November afternoon, tonight the rain —
for now the ashen clouds are gray and low;
the contrast with the leaves makes things mundane
seem holy, with the forest bright, aglow.

A maple’s scarlet in the cedar trees;
a gingko, golden, shakes a few leaves loose,
undressing just a bit with every breeze,
and by the woods there stands a single spruce

as sentry, soon the only color left
in three days time when all will fade to brown.
We linger in this moment, till bereft
of hue the trees must start to hunker down.

Still there’s this afternoon — these precious days.
Before it withers, all the world’s ablaze.