I absolutely LOVED Drop the Ball, though it did make me feel guilty for not having such bold career aspirations as the author (who overlapped with me at UW though I did not know her).

Regarding the school volunteering stuff (bringing snack, etc), I’m finding that it’ll eat up all your free time and energy if you let it. There is *always* something that needs to be done in my daughters’ classrooms and I could literally spend all my time “helping out” in various ways. I feel for the teachers as there is so much admin-type stuff to do that has nothing to do with *actually* teaching, but I can’t take that on as my unpaid job. I’m willing to put in a couple of hours per week since I’m not working but am closely managing that time.

Google Calendar is great for the ‘mental load’ stuff as you can have multiple calendars. So we have a ‘family calendar’ for the events and things we share, but I have a separate calendar for myself to remind me to do certain things in the future. All of it shows up on my phone. I can even get it to send me texts and email reminders if needed.

@Emma- smart. Of course, I have heard stories of women putting down their husbands as the first contact and *still* getting all the calls and emails. It’s like people don’t actually believe it.

@Kristen – thanks for listening to the podcast and checking out my writing! I really appreciate it. And congrats on your new addition! That’s wonderful. I know we would love to include stories of women doing it on their own — we are slowly building up our topic list.

@Omdg – imagine, men can screen for caregivers in a rational and professional manner! But yes, it does normally fall to the woman. In my case this makes slightly more sense as I’m working at home so I’m the one who has to be around the person all the time. It matters a lot more if I like her (or him) — but in many families, it really could be anyone. If a guy can hire an employee at work, he can do so at home too.

The other thing I do is give myself essentially unlimited slack when I am post call. I am not responsible for anything on those days including my daughter’s dinner or bedtime, and if I can avoid it, will not do any extra work. My brain is just usually so messed up I have difficulty with even basic decisions, so I don’t even try. I let my husband take care of everything and feel no remorse whatsoever.

@Meghan – I am an underbuyer too, but it’s all about learning to view money as a tool. I have some friends who made a very specific calculation, the year they had twins, that they were totally willing to work a year longer in their 60s in order to have enough help to maintain their sanity (and marriage, and careers) that year. You don’t always want to be borrowing from your future self, but people like us do a lot for our future selves. Sometimes it’s OK to do something for your current self too.