Comments on: Gone in the instant of becoming https://lauravanderkam.com/2016/06/gone-in-the-instant-of-becoming/ Writer, Author, Speaker Tue, 17 Apr 2018 14:04:09 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.7.2 By: N https://lauravanderkam.com/2016/06/gone-in-the-instant-of-becoming/#comment-32382 Tue, 21 Jun 2016 20:02:43 +0000 http://lauravanderkam.staging.wpengine.com/?p=6114#comment-32382 I read this last week, but came back to re-read it! Husband is trying to convince me that a trip to Europe with a 2 and 5yo would be fun. I remember last year’s long 3 weeks in London as being fun, but really tiring…lots of walks around the block at 5am with a baby who never adjusted to the time.

The memories have always been worth traveling with kids, but I do have to be selective in which parts I remember 😉

]]> By: lauravanderkam https://lauravanderkam.com/2016/06/gone-in-the-instant-of-becoming/#comment-32381 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 13:43:24 +0000 http://lauravanderkam.staging.wpengine.com/?p=6114#comment-32381 In reply to Alexicographer.

@Alexicographer – the funny part about that is that at some point you may start remembering that you *were* there. The brain is funny that way. Stories become reality.

]]> By: Alexicographer https://lauravanderkam.com/2016/06/gone-in-the-instant-of-becoming/#comment-32380 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 02:59:13 +0000 http://lauravanderkam.staging.wpengine.com/?p=6114#comment-32380 Count me in as one who enjoyed this post/finds its perspective helpful. I’ve had any number of experiences where I tell myself that, though not fun in the happening, they’ll be great in the retelling (I wasn’t actually even present when it happened, but the time one of my stepkids sank our bass boat by failing to install the plug back in the boat before unloading it from the trailer is one such example. Doh!).

]]> By: lauravanderkam https://lauravanderkam.com/2016/06/gone-in-the-instant-of-becoming/#comment-32379 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 01:40:01 +0000 http://lauravanderkam.staging.wpengine.com/?p=6114#comment-32379 In reply to Rebecca.

@Rebecca- those are both really good strategies. Things become stronger memories when we actively make them so, and albums certainly serve that purpose.

]]> By: Rebecca https://lauravanderkam.com/2016/06/gone-in-the-instant-of-becoming/#comment-32378 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 23:27:29 +0000 http://lauravanderkam.staging.wpengine.com/?p=6114#comment-32378 I love the framework of the “anticipating and remembering selves.” I try to enhance experiences this way, but have never heard it put it that way before.

An example of anticipating, I plan dates with my husband and text him days ahead of time with details to build excitement.

For remembering, I make my nieces and nephews albums of the “cousin camps” I host so that they can reminisce.

]]> By: lauravanderkam https://lauravanderkam.com/2016/06/gone-in-the-instant-of-becoming/#comment-32377 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 15:49:24 +0000 http://lauravanderkam.staging.wpengine.com/?p=6114#comment-32377 In reply to RR.

@RR – thanks! Running a half marathon in the heat this past weekend was tough, but I’m glad I finished it – my remembering self is happy with it. Of course, I’m not exactly rushing to sign up for an Ironman or anything…

]]> By: lauravanderkam https://lauravanderkam.com/2016/06/gone-in-the-instant-of-becoming/#comment-32376 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 15:48:30 +0000 http://lauravanderkam.staging.wpengine.com/?p=6114#comment-32376 In reply to gwinne.

@gwinne- there is certainly a balance to be sought, and hopefully to be found. Sometimes things are just going to be so awful to the experiencing self that it will not be worth it. I can deal with 2 minutes of going fast up and down and backwards or whatever, but I’m not about to fly 16 hours to Asia with the toddler right now. I also think physical pain (e.g. your head trauma) can color things in such ways that it will long be embedded in the memory.

]]> By: gwinne https://lauravanderkam.com/2016/06/gone-in-the-instant-of-becoming/#comment-32375 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 15:42:07 +0000 http://lauravanderkam.staging.wpengine.com/?p=6114#comment-32375 That’s a great quote from James, and an important point about perspective.

Maybe it’s personal but my remembering self WILL remember the unpleasantness as part of the experience (and I’m not a particularly negative person). What I remember from a trip to Quebec, which is a lovely city I’d like to return to under different circumstances, is that I had suffered a recent head trauma, had a baby who woke every 2 hrs to nurse, and couldn’t really even enjoy the walking, with schlepping strollers up and down. Sure, there was a family boat ride that supplied some nice pictures but was that worth the aggravation? Not really. I’d have to do a lot of mental reframing to come up with a good takeaway narrative of that trip…

That said, I do try to pause to take away the good even in the midst of the generally unpleasant, talk about daily good things with my kids, etc. I suppose that’s an attempt to align the experiencing and remembering selves for the good.

]]> By: RR https://lauravanderkam.com/2016/06/gone-in-the-instant-of-becoming/#comment-32374 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 15:30:45 +0000 http://lauravanderkam.staging.wpengine.com/?p=6114#comment-32374 Nice piece! I like the concept of the “remembering self” as a tool to push yourself to do things that feel difficult in the present, such as running a marathon or reading a difficult novel, but that you will feel good about afterwards.

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