*Getting together with friends for breakfast and coffee and hearing from more far-flung people.

*Going out for Mexican food (a margarita! guacamole!) with my family. They gave me miniature accessories for my miniature kitchen, and some puzzles.

*Hearing my church choir sing Happy Birthday at rehearsal — pitched very very high as part of the warm-up. I will never hear it sung that high at a birthday party!

* The birthday thread on our Patreon page! SHU asked people to post something they’d learned from me and it is making me feel many warm fuzzies to know my catchphrases are going through people’s heads!

* I’m headed to Longwood Gardens with my husband this weekend to see the lights and Christmas displays.

So, lots of good stuff. As for content, the Before Breakfast podcast suggested people “Plan a Monday adventure” and “Go in search of lost time.” As the longer episode, I did a time makeover of a Before Breakfast listener named Haley, talking about some various things she tried in her life and how they worked.

Over at Vanderhacks, my Substack newsletter, I discussed how to make time for speculative projects in a post called “Put big dreams first.” Behind the paywall I had tips on “How to make virtual events more engaging,” and ideas on “How to enjoy your birthday as an adult.”

Finally, here’s a sonnet, called “Bus stop.”

Four weeks before the solstice, and the sky
is full of shadows, lengthened on the street.
The school bus stops, the children shout and try
to stop the boy from racing off. His feet

are pushing out his shoes, his elbows taut,
his eyelashes are tangled and his hair
is rumpled. See, he reaches — soon he’s caught
a single yellow leaf. The autumn air

is chilled with wind, then warm in setting sun,
this moment in between when all is light.
So why should we be sad? The boy will run,
and any thoughts of darkness take to flight

like squawking birds, against the golden gleam
of afternoon, of joy that’s like a dream.

On Friday night, we had our family party. The usual version of this is that the kid chooses what he/she wants for dinner, and we have ice cream cake after. Only 4 out of 7 people actually eat ice cream cake (the 17-year-old and I are both out on the dairy, and then the 9-year-old doesn’t eat anything) but hey. She had selected French toast as her birthday dinner, and she made the French toast. I made the eggs and bacon and we had breakfast for dinner. Then we opened presents: 2 nightgowns, several bead kits, a bedazzling kit, paint pens and canvases, and earrings. A good haul!

Then on Saturday we celebrated with friends. I took my daughter and four other girls to a local restaurant for brunch where more French toast was consumed — pumpkin cream cheese stuffed, this time. Then we went to Build-a-Bear at an area mall and they all made their various creatures. My daughter rang the bell and the whole store sang. Then we came back to the house where the kids had pizza and cupcakes and hung out into the evening.

The birthday celebrations consumed much of the weekend, but a few other things happened. I walked with a friend on Friday, ran with another friend Saturday morning, then went on a bike ride on Sunday. The 17-year-old took the SAT (he has a good score from taking it two months ago, but would like to get about 30-40 points higher). There were two swim practices, soccer, and church. My husband and I went for a walk at Chanticleer. Now I am up at 5 a.m. on Monday morning for unknown reasons. There is no space for a nap today so here’s hoping I woke up because I didn’t need more sleep…

Seven years later, we are still at it! Both of us have seen some changes. We’ve both moved houses (albeit locally). We both had another baby (well, we knew Sarah’s was on the way when we launched in 2017, but my late 2019 baby was just a glimmer in my eye then…). We’ve had some challenges with it, but we’ve also had a ton of fun.

This week’s episode is all about celebrating our 7th birthday. Feel free to let us know your favorite episode, or any topics you’d like to see covered. We’d really appreciate ratings/reviews (think of it as a birthday present!).

Also — the Best of Both Worlds Patreon community will be having our monthly meet-up today, August 27th, at noon eastern time. We’ll be talking all things time management. Membership is $9/month. If you join before noon you can get the Zoom link in the forum. If you join after, no worries, the session will be recorded. Hope to see you there!

I had a thought today that, thanks to my time-tracking, I have a record of how I have spent all 17,400-odd hours of his life. Of course, I don’t know how *he* has spent all the hours of his life, but we have spent a reasonable number of those together. It has been a strange two years in many ways, though there have been nice aspects (like having Daddy around for a lot more of those hours than with the older children).

Speaking of the older children…I also had a realization today that when kid #2 turned two I was welcoming another baby. I cannot even fathom that right now. I guess we do crazy things when we’re young.

In any case, it is so fun to watch him figure out language, and how the world works. He was excited to point out an “oc-po-pus” in a book tonight, and he said his own name pointing at himself for one of the first times recently (normally it’s “me” as in “Me did it!”) I can’t wait to see all the fun things he will learn over the next year!

As befits middle age, it has been a year of coping with various maladies. Back pain from carrying a toddler around mostly on one hip! Last year at this time I was just figuring out that I was going to need to eat (and drink) differently to deal with my chronic congestion and sore throat. I have not enjoyed this change at all, but I am making my peace with it. My husband and I went to a retirement party for one of his colleagues last night. I did not touch the cheese or wine, which felt very responsible of me.

I am trying to keep a sense of humor about the fact that I am coping with middle-aged maladies while still breastfeeding a baby.

I am hoping, by the time I turn 44, to learn how to buy and apply make-up. This is a topic of approximately zero interest to me, but eventually it becomes clear that it would be better to wear make-up than not wear it (hello toddler sleep woes…). I just watched a YouTube video of an attractive young lady applying a color corrector under her eyes. Who knew?

I’m sure it will be another year with the usual things: writing, speaking, podcasting, running, singing. I’m glad I’ve made space for these things in my life.

My birthday plans include going out to dinner with my husband, taking the family to the Brandywine museum for the holiday trains, going ice skating, and getting a massage early next week. If the weather cooperates, there may be a long run too. And probably lots of decluttering/moving stuff to the garage at the new house to get ready for our move in a month or so… I should be celebrating my next birthday in new surroundings. After this project that started around my last birthday, it is about time!

Photo: From the family photo shoot with Yana Shellman

by Jim VanderKam

As Mary approaches a significant birthday (she catches up with me this week), I thought I would record some of the things I love and admire about her. This is hardly adequate, but it is a start, with items listed in no particular order.

Mary is really smart. Back when we were in school, she was always at the head of the class. Once we started dating, I tried matching her but never could, and the gap is only getting wider. Besides her far greater knowledge about how the world runs, I cite as evidence our work on crossword puzzles. We have been doing them together for years. At first we would sit down with a paper copy of the puzzle between us (it was cozy!). As time went on and our eyes were proving too elderly to see the one puzzle clearly, we started printing up a copy of the New York Times puzzle for each of us, although we solved them together (OK, there may have been competition from time to time). More recently we have each had the puzzle on our laptops and solve them together. But this is how it goes: no sooner does the puzzle open on our screens than Mary says something like “54 down is … and it joins 47 across which fits with 52 down.” At that point I am still trying to sound out the word “across” at the top of the first column of clues. She reads voraciously. Sure, British murder mysteries are favorites, but she also loves to read about, as she calls them, intrepid women and can often be seen studying hefty volumes about writers and even New Testament scholarship. She reads plenty of news and is enjoying it more after the inauguration in January. She has helped me out by reading drafts of books. Her suggestions and corrections regularly find their way into the finished product.

Mary is truly accomplished. She is not only smart, she has had a highly successful career in teaching, whether elementary children, children and adults who could profit from tutoring, or young mothers (and some fathers) who needed educational help to make them more successful as parents and wage earners. As one of those young mothers said, Mary is a legend in South Bend. She has volunteered her time and skill as organist and pianist many, many times, has led church adult classes, and been a member and chair of the church council.

Mary is sincerely kind and considerate, genuinely interested in other people. When she comes across something like an article or piece of news that she thinks might be of interest to someone else and that that person would like to see it, she sends it along. She is quick to complement or congratulate others upon their accomplishments and service, and she has a gift for communicating an encouraging or comforting word when that is needed.

Mary loves each member of our family and is devoted to them. In these pandemic days, she makes a concerted effort to stay in touch and loves to hear from any and all of them (pictures are most welcome). She enjoys visiting them, when conditions allow (and they have, even during the pandemic), is eager to hear about their lives, and is happy to visit by phone or Face Time.

Mary likes to satisfy her curiosity about places and things. She takes pleasure in planning trips and does so with care so that we stay in good places and see worthwhile sights that do not involve standing in long lines. Once we became eligible for COVID-19 vaccinations, she, through diligent effort, found appointments for us—something we were so grateful to have. Mary likes to explore new places, even though her spouse can prove less enthusiastic. We have different approaches. Mary is likely say: Let’s try something different. Her husband would likely think: Let’s do the same old thing.

Mary is a really good cook, and I love to eat what she cooks. If this sounds like an old-fashioned arrangement, let me explain that, when we were first married, we agreed that I would do the cooking a couple of times a week. After trying that perhaps no more than once, it became crystal clear that the plan was not feasible or at least that the results were unsatisfying. So, our compromise has been that Mary cooks—though she is liking it less these days—and I clean up afterwards. I think I got a great deal, and I am grateful to her for innumerable yummy, healthy meals.

Mary and I share a background. It is nice to have that in common. We are quite aware of the limitations of the community from which we came, but we are grateful for its virtues. It is a wonderful gift to share a faith.

And Mary is a wonderful gift for whom I thank God every day! Happy birthday, Mary!

Jim VanderKam is a retired professor living in New Jersey. 

This birthday — Thursday this week — is a milestone plus one. It’s kind of fun to read through these older posts and think about the updates. I have run for an additional 365 days straight. We did some international travel with the kids this year (St. Lucia, the Bahamas) and some interesting domestic travel (Yosemite is amazing). I am still not reliably sleeping through the night because I am 8 months pregnant with baby #5, which is certainly the biggest development in this first year of my 40s. I am writing fiction, having spent November editing another novel, with a reasonable draft now finished.

In any case, I don’t have big birthday plans. I’ll spend a chunk of it in a hotel room and on an airplane. It’s my last work-related flight before I go into no-fly mode. There might be ice cream cake this weekend. I’m not sure. I’m thinking forward to next year, when I can picture an 11-month-old baby starting to toddle around. We will have to decorate the tree differently, and no more Lego Advent calendars left on the floor. Will we have renovated the attic? Stay tuned! Life keeps changing — but generally in fun ways right now, which I am grateful for.

If you’re reading this and thinking “hey, I’d like to do something for Laura’s birthday!” would you consider rating and reviewing one of my podcasts on Apple Podcasts? You could also rate/review one of my books on Amazon, BN.com, Goodreads, or wherever you post about books. Thank you so much for considering it!

That said, now that Sam is one, I know for sure that having two kids has not changed any of the opinions I advanced in 168 Hours. Last summer, when I first floated some of the themes of the book in a guest post for Lisa Belkin’s Motherlode column at the New York Times, and when I was profiled on the front page of the Globe & Mail, I heard from a ton of folks saying “just wait until you have two!” Partly, it’s just that those two pieces were a wee bit combative (the book is more nuanced). But I have also learned that a number of people are really wedded to the idea that we are completely starved for time. So when someone suggests flaws in this narrative, they look for any way to suggest that the person advancing this idea doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

Here’s what I’ve learned over a year of having two very young children. Yes, it is logistically more complicated. It takes more time to get two children ready to go somewhere than one, and so you have to build in more transition times. You have to manage the dynamic between them, and carve out some time for each of them as well. In my case, the two boys share a room, so we have had some later nights and earlier mornings than I would have liked.

But what I learned from writing 168 Hours is how to look at your time and figure out how all this will work. When things aren’t working, you can make changes. I now go to bed earlier so I can get my 7.5 or so hours of sleep. I extended my day time childcare hours a bit since the post-bedtime evening hours no longer work so well for work (I have high hopes that they will again in the future when Jasper gives up his nap and Sam starts taking one instead of two). I use the early mornings to play with the kids, and plot out where I can fit in my runs. And as a result, this has been relatively doable. I won’t pretend that it’s been all rosy (see the bedtime battles, above, which really wear me down). But doable.

And of course Sam has turned from an oversized newborn (nearly 9lbs)  into a lovely little boy. He babbles about mama and “addy” and gives hugs that involve patting your back. He likes to throw balls and wrestle with his older brother — the size difference doesn’t intimidate him! I am really looking forward to getting to know him better as he gets older. Now that Jasper is 3 years old, we can have actual conversations, and I love seeing how his little brain works. The other night we were eating squash, and the Jasper started talking about cooking “squished.” If you think about it, that makes grammatical sense. It’s very exciting to me that over the next few years, I’ll get to know another special little person like this.

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