I have not entirely succeeded in my project of getting everything done for work so I can take next week off. But there is today and tomorrow.

Anyway, the good news is that the presents are wrapped. The children all wrapped (with some help) their sibling presents for each other (they will open these on the 23rd). We have matching family pajamas ready to go for the 24th. Children who are in the Christmas pageant have practiced their lines. Almost all the under-the-tree presents are wrapped, with only one present still outstanding, and the tracking information says it is in the USPS Philadelphia PA Network Distribution Center. So that’s a positive. I bought these cute little Christmas tree stocking holders for our mantle so we can actually hang stockings this year! My husband went to Wegmans last night and bought food for the extended family Christmas get-together.

It has been a very merry and full month. And there’s more stuff to come! But January will be slower. Life tends to come in waves. Though with five kids, there are always logistics and planning to be done (I started on the camp spreadsheet for summer…that is going to be a January project).

In other news: Please join me and Dorie Clark for a chat over at LinkedIn at noon, eastern, today! We’ll be talking Tranquility by Tuesday and time management in general. You can access the chat directly here (https://www.dorieclark.com/better)

Also, I’m hosting my annual time tracking challenge from January 9-15, 2023. If you’ve been looking for a good time to try tracking your time, this could be it. You can sign up here to get daily motivational emails.

And then, stay tuned for the first Tranquility by Tuesday Challenge! From January 20th to March 23rd we’ll be going through one of the nine TBT rules each week. I’ll have a sign-up for that coming in the new year.

I’m also enjoying comparing each week’s time log with the corresponding week in 2016 (when December 12th was last a Monday). That was another full and festive week, with a few noteworthy items. First, I enjoyed the bra-fitting party I won (in a raffle) at Rigby & Peller, however…that means that the last time I went bra shopping was now 6 years and one baby ago. Which means that I probably need to go again (unfortunately that boutique closed, so I’ll have to figure something else out.) That was also the week that my TED talk video went live (on Friday). I spent 30 memorialized-on-my-time-log minutes sharing it out with my lists. And that was also the Saturday that was memorialized in Off the Clock as my long December day featuring breakfast with Santa at Longwood, my then first grader’s wrestling meet, taking the train into NYC with him to meet the other kids and my husband, going to the same party we actually went to this past weekend too (so cool to still be celebrating with the same friends), going to my old choir’s concert, retrieving my car in Trenton and driving home in dense fog.

My point in Off the Clock was that it was a long, stressful day with many transitions, but that what I remembered afterward was the glorious poinsettias in the greenhouse, the referee hoisting my little wrestler’s arm up in victory, the choir singing ethereally of warmth, wonder, and birth. And similarly, what I will most remember of this weekend’s NYC visit is seeing a lot of lovely Picassos in the Met, and talking with old friends. It’s just that experiencing that required a lot of battling traffic to get into NYC, and taking an incredibly crowded subway up from our parking spot to the Met, and so forth.

I think we can extend the metaphor, that memory requires a lot of bother. That was my experience with taking the five children to breakfast with Santa this year. My daughter had found a breakfast-with-Santa event at Neiman Marcus in the mall, and the tickets were not cheap, but this was her number one request for holiday activities. So we went, and the kids fought and misbehaved and the 7-year-old ate literally half a piece of bacon BUT in the photo with Santa they all look really happy. So there’s that.

(After, we wandered through the store on our way out and the kids could not get over the existence of a $400 pair of children’s shoes, so at least they seem to have my frugal streak.)

Anyway, here’s how I did on the Tranquility by Tuesday rules this past week.

Rule #1: Give yourself a bedtime. Mostly. I tried on Friday night since I had to get up at 5:40 a.m. to take the 15-year-old to catch the bus to the competition. But I lay awake for a while. It was not a great night of sleep. I managed to get in bed by 11:30 p.m. on Saturday night, even though we arrived home at 11:10 p.m. That was some swift work!

Rule #2: Plan on Fridays. Yes – though not the kids’ activity schedule. I did that Sunday. I’m trying to move it back, but enough stuff shifts that it seems pointless. I’m also going to start planning out my workouts, now that I’m trying to go to the gym more often.

Rule #3: Move by 3 p.m. 7 for 7 this week, though one was a ridiculous short walk in the cold rain. I went to the YMCA twice to lift weights (I then usually run 2 mi on the treadmill too). I’m going to aim to do this more regularly during the winter, partly because I’m starting to feel resentful of running in cold weather, and also I think the strength-training will help with my occasional back pain. (As would not carrying the almost-3-year-old so much, but I’m not sure what I can do about that…)

Rule #4: Three times a week is a habit. I ran four times this week (2x at the gym, 2x outside). I played the piano three times. As for family meals, my husband was traveling the first half of the week, and the kids had activities, so our breakfast with Santa was the only time all seven of us were at the table together! This week starts to calm down so that should improve.

Rule #5: Create a back-up slot. I left Friday open as usual, and managed to make it through my punch list by noon. That’s why I was able to go to the gym that afternoon!

Rule #6: One big adventure, one little adventure. There were lots of adventures, as described above (Nutcracker, NYC, breakfast with Santa) but I’ll call out a little adventure…On Wednesday night I went to a local retirement community to help with the carol sing (the woman who organizes it is in my church choir and wanted some ringers to make sure that the carols went well!). I had never been in their main building before, so it was a little adventure to see this building I have run past so many times, and see how it’s all decorated for Christmas.

Rule #7: Take one night for you. I went to choir rehearsal on Thursday night, and sang lots of Christmas music there.

Rule #8: Batch the little things. I had a substantial “punch list” for Friday, which included making dentist appointments. But that is done!

Rule #9: Effortful before effortless. My phone seems to be working again, which is throwing off my calculation of whether I should replace it before some holiday travel. However, I spent less time than usual on it (I think) because the week was busy. As for downtime, I finished my second Christmas-themed 1000-piece puzzle, and started a third. This one has matte rather than glossy pieces so I am liking it a bit less but oh well. It will suffice. My kids and I finished the Lego holiday village. We worked on it in my office with the gas fireplace going, which felt festive. I finished The Tempest, and am now reading The Two Noble Kinsmen (not in the anthology, so I’m reading it online). I will also give myself points for mostly reading The Economist rather than scrolling during the kids’ ice skating lesson.

How did your week go?

Anyway, I was at the holiday party again this past week. Possibly wearing the same dress. Hard to know. The party snuck up on me and I never managed to find anything new to wear. So that is a constant, though something new from 2016 is how much holiday music my family is producing. I wasn’t in choir back then; this year my choir did our Messiah sing-along this week. And I got to see my two older kids’ concerts. My 13-year-old played with his middle school jazz band and my 15-year-old sang with his high school’s select vocal ensemble. Both performances were very good, which made for proud mama moments.

Here’s how I did on the Tranquility by Tuesday rules this week. (New here? Each week I post a TBT Scorecard evaluating how I did on the nine time management rules that comprise my most recent book. If you haven’t picked up a copy yet, please do! I promise that other people have found it helpful!).

Rule #1: Give yourself a bedtime. Mostly. On Friday night (early Saturday morning) I was up until 12:30 a.m. because we had somehow missed most of the food at the party, and then it disappeared, so we ate a very late dinner at home. Sunday night I missed my bedtime because I was cleaning my iPhone, trying to get it to stop popping up to the top of the screen after I scroll down. Some online resources suggested cleaning it as a potential solution. While it was satisfying to pull off the cover and clean everything, this didn’t really help. I welcome other ideas. It is 4 years old at this point, and so while I’m annoyed by this fact, I also recognize that might be the end of the product’s life too.

Rule #2: Plan on Fridays. I planned my workweek on Friday, and have a tentative plan for next weekend. However, I didn’t start planning the kids’ activity schedule until the weekend. It just felt overwhelming; there are still a lot of one-offs right now.

Rule #3: Move by 3 p.m. Mostly. Two of my by-mid-day walks involved walking the dog — not usually my responsibility but my husband was traveling. I didn’t run or walk Saturday early in the day. I was planning to go to the gym in the afternoon, putting the toddler in the play room, but then he was taking a good nap and I didn’t want to wake him. I did get my 10,000 steps by going to the Zoo’s Luminature exhibit at night. I finally made it to the gym (our local Y) early on Sunday morning. I decided to get up at 6:30 a.m. and was in the car by 6:45 to be there when it opened at 7. I lifted weights — something I am trying to do more often — for 35 minutes, got back in the car, and made it home on time to make the rest of the day work. This is not something I’ve done before but it was definitely doable. So maybe I will do it again. If I can observe my bedtime!

Rule #4: Three times a week is a habit. I ran three times, for about 30 minutes each time. I’d like it to be more, but at least that fit into the week. I played the piano three times as well — again, not as long as I would like, but I did it. That is the point of this rule. Something is almost always better than nothing.

As for family meals, we had my birthday dinner on Monday. I came back around 6:30 p.m., and the house was dark. But then I opened the door and everyone jumped out and yelled surprise. So that was fun. The steak was good (my husband cooked it on the grill). We ate family dinner together on Saturday and Sunday as well, although the Sunday one involved approximately 5 minutes of all of us at the table as my husband and 15-year-old were racing out to a 7 p.m. tennis lesson.

Rule #5: Create a back-up slot. I left Friday open to 2:40 p.m. I wound up with an unscheduled Tuesday as well, which is something of a perk of my work situation. If I can see that a day doesn’t have anything in it about a week prior, I then do my best to not put anything in it (nudging meetings/calls to other days). I have been needing the time to get caught up on stuff. And send Christmas cards…

Rule #6: One big adventure, one little adventure. It is a festive time of year, and there were lots of adventures (some from my 2022 Holiday Fun List). Of note: I met two friends for drinks at a local brewery on Monday to celebrate my birthday. I don’t normally do Monday happy hours, so that was a little adventure! I also took myself to Longwood Gardens on Tuesday early evening. I had gone with the little kids over Thanksgiving, and it was fine, but hard to pause and take anything in. The lights were beautiful of course though the weather didn’t exactly cooperate. So it was a wet visit, and then my GPS took me on a more rustic route home than anticipated and…that was unintentionally adventurous in the dark cold rain.

We did a family adventure to the Luminature exhibit at the Philadelphia Zoo on Saturday night. It was fun to see all the bright lights and displays — including some realistic projections of savannah animals on the rocks. I also enjoyed the “underwater” exhibit with lights that looked like coral reefs and jellyfish. There was a fair amount of bickering, but this is probably one of the few holiday things that everyone could do. So it will likely make the list again next year.

Rule #7: Take one night for you. I missed Thursday night choir practice this week because I went to see my 15-year-old’s choir concert. However, I had a Saturday morning rehearsal for the Messiah, and then we sang (most of) it on Sunday afternoon. So there was a lot of singing time minus my family. The Messiah sing-along was a fun experience. We joined forces with another choir, and then invited the audience to sing along with some of the best-known choruses (we skipped a few so the performance was 2 hours instead of 3). The soloists (who are the professional singers hired to help my church choir) were having all sorts of fun trilling around on Handel’s recitatives and arias. Plus there was a harpsichord!

Rule #8: Batch the little things. I posted on Friday about my batching experiences.

Rule #9: Effortful before effortless. I did about an hour of Legos with the 13-year-old and 11-year-old on Saturday while the little guy napped. I worked on my 1000-piece puzzle almost every day and, as one might imagine, it is closing in on being done. (This is my second Christmas-themed 1000 piece puzzle. I finished the other one a little over a week ago). And I am reading The Tempest currently in my Shakespeare project. The cause of spending less time on my phone is being helped by its annoying habit of popping back up to the top. It’s almost impossible to scroll!

Photo: Lillies at Longwood

So the week of November 28, 2016 turns out to have been a doozy. I was on a panel at Fortune’s Most Powerful Women Next Generation conference out in California, and stayed at a gorgeous place on the beach. Also, Jewel was a fellow conference attendee because I got to see her perform. And I bumped into Amelia Boone in the elevator. Apparently that week I also volunteered at the elementary school book fair, went to my son’s performance of Sleeping Beauty, went out to eat with my husband for my birthday, and went to a yoga class out in New Jersey with a friend.

This past week did not feature the Ritz on the beach in California. Instead I was in Columbus, Ohio. But! The hotel in downtown Columbus was still lovely —  all decked out for Christmas — and the conference I spoke at was great, with wonderful hosts, so it’s fun to see that I’m still doing similar things in various places. And my husband and I went to a real dinner party at a friend’s home downtown, so there was still some fanciness! Plus Sarah and I recorded two Best of Both Worlds episodes (year-in-review and goals 2023), and I was reminded that that podcast did not exist in 2016 — indeed, I was not podcasting at all. So life still changes in good ways.

Here’s how I did on the Tranquility by Tuesday rules last week.

(New here? Every week I post how I did on the nine rules I share in my most recent time management book, Tranquility by Tuesday. These rules can help us calm the chaos and make time for what matters. When I follow them, life really does feel better!)

Rule #1: Give yourself a bedtime. Most nights I was close to 11 p.m. On Monday night I couldn’t get to sleep until midnight, but I made up for that by crashing at 10:15 p.m. or so in my hotel room Tuesday night. I stayed up late on Saturday night coloring my hair because it really needed to get done and I hadn’t done it yet. That’s how fun I am.

Rule #2: Plan on Fridays. Yep. I also created a draft of the kids’ activity schedule for the week on Friday. It’s been my goal to do that in addition to my work/personal planning (rather than leaving it to Sunday). Doing so helped me realize, a few days earlier, that an alto sax lesson and a tutoring session would need to be moved due to various holiday concerts.

Rule #3: Move by 3 p.m. Mostly. I did several short walks in the morning or early afternoon to follow this rule. On Saturday I had planned to go for a run in the morning, but it was rainy and then the day kind of got away from me. I know I got over 10,000 steps walking to the various train exhibits (more on that below).

Rule #4: Three times a week is a habit. I ran four times, including once in the hotel gym on Wednesday morning. Lately I haven’t been bringing exercise gear with me on trips, partly because I haven’t had much time in my hotels. But I looked at the schedule for this week’s excursion and saw I would have a few hours before I needed to report to the venue (around 11:30 a.m.). So I ran two miles on the treadmill (listening to BOBW!) and did some weight lifting. I also ran 2 quick miles in the YMCA on Sunday afternoon — I thought the place closed at 7 but it closed at 5 so that visit was a wee bit faster than expected! (My 15-year-old came with me and also did some quick running — we are going to be training for a fast 5k in the spring). I also ran on trails on Monday (lovely) and up and down our road on Thursday.

We had family dinner on Monday, Saturday, and Sunday. Thursday we were all there except the 13-year-old, who now has a 2-hour fencing class.

I played the piano four times. As I think about next year’s goals, I’m debating what to include in my “three times a week category.” I will add singing — I almost always already do sing three times a week with choir practice, Sunday morning church, and then practicing on my own once. But I think by formalizing it, I’ll start doing some more voice training, which would be good.

Rule #5: Create a back-up slot. I had lunch with a friend Friday mid-day, but I didn’t schedule anything for the afternoon, which wound up being good when I realized I’d gotten tickets for the Morris Arboretum’s holiday train display on the wrong day. My tickets were for 5:30 p.m. December 1st — I meant to get them for 5:30 p.m. December 2nd. But somehow I didn’t. When I realized that, on Friday, I called Morris and they said they were booked for 5:30 but I could come 4:30. I managed to collect the kids (not my husband though) and we went for an hour and had a good time. It turned out it was good I went early, because we had to hop in an Uber as soon as I got home to go downtown for our 7:30 dinner. Speaking of which…

Rule #6: One big adventure, one little adventure. So one of my husband’s colleagues had us and a few other folks over for dinner on Friday night, and he’d hired a chef to create an absolutely amazing meal. So that was definitely an adventure!

In addition to the Morris train display, we also went to the Railroad Museum of PA on Saturday and did “Christmas with the Conductor” — listening to the Polar Express on a train, decorating cookies, seeing Santa, and then sending our Christmas wishes via telegram to the north pole. We stopped by the Choo Choo Barn and saw their giant train display with 63 Santas (more or less). I think my 7- and 11-year-olds found all of them!

In the maybe not-so-fun adventure category: I took the four older kids to Target on Saturday night to shop for sibling presents. We shopped for 30 minutes, which was fine, but then we waited in line for 30 minutes checking out. Some of my children were going a little off the wall. (Note: the self-check out line was also huge, and I had given the older children cash so they could buy the presents without showing their siblings, but then there were limited lines and a person in front of us was paying for an order with a combination of approximately 15 gift cards…)

Rule #7: Take one night for you. Choir rehearsal on Thursday was fun as we sang through the various Messiah choruses in advance of our sing-along this weekend. And I went out for dinner solo in Columbus and had an excellent meal.

Rule #8: Batch the little things. I went through my “punch list” on Friday morning, paying bills and the like.

Rule #9: Effortful before effortless. I continue to make my way through Christmas magazines, including the ones I bought in the airport: O quarterly, The Pioneer Woman, and Magnolia. I think my favorite so far might be Southern Living. I’ve been reading A Winter’s Tale in my Shakespeare project. It’s a little dark, though the pastoral scenes in Act IV are kind of fun, and now that everything is resolving in Act V, it’s as over-the-top light as it was dark before. I’ve also been reading Christmas books to the kids. I think I read The Grinch Who Stole Christmas five times last week! I read to the 2-year-old before he goes to bed, and then I read Christmas books with the 11-year-old and 7-year-old. They don’t always want that, so it’s nice that the holiday season is encouraging it. We are also close to done with the Lego holiday village. Only about 1.5 bags to go!

Hope your week went well! If you’re interested in tracking your time, I’ll be running a Time Tracking Challenge from Jan 9-15, 2023.

Photo: From the Choo Choo Barn in Lancaster — they can change the prices on this miniature Turkey Hill gas station sign.

My 15-year-old and I went to the gym together on Tuesday, where we both practiced running a 5k on the treadmill. Then we ran a 5k for real on Thursday morning (a local Turkey Trot). He did great – we finished, and our time was more than 2 minutes faster than he’d done on the treadmill. I think he had a good time and was interested in training a bit more for a spring 5k (so we could run the whole thing without stopping). I was very proud of him!

My husband and I went to the gym together on Friday (we had a sitter for the 2-year-old) where I mostly lifted weights, something I’d like to do more of (the weights and the joint gym visit). And then on Saturday morning I ran with Jane along our usual trail (5 miles or so). All of this was a nice change of pace. It was also a good week for effortful fun, but more on that below.

Anyway, here’s how I did on the nine Tranquility by Tuesday rules. These are my nine favorite time management strategies that I outline in my most recent book (haven’t picked up a copy? Please do! Or maybe give a copy to a friend for Christmas…? If you are giving it as a gift — and live in the US — and want me to sign a book plate and mail it to you, feel free to reach out at laura at lauravanderkam dot com.). When I follow these rules, life really does feel more calm amid all the chaos. And this time of year, there can be quite a bit of chaos! So, here’s the update:

Rule #1: Give yourself a bedtime. Reasonably. I was in my bed around 11 p.m. every night, and always before 11:30, which isn’t bad considering that we didn’t have to get up so early on four mornings this week. I’ve been looking back on my time logs from the last cycle of weeks where Monday was the same date (2016). I was up before 6 a.m. many mornings then with my now 7-year-old, and hence there was a lot of crashing by 10 p.m. It’s nice to know that things have improved, and that the reason I wake up at 6:30 a.m. on weekdays now is that…this is when my alarm goes off. More orderly sleep is possible! I love babies (obviously…given how many I had) but it is nice to have them grow up too.

Rule #2: Plan on Fridays. I started planning on Wednesday (the pretend Friday this past week with the Thanksgiving break) and updated the list on Friday. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to the activity plan until Sunday, and it took 45 minutes and still had to be updated as I realized stuff was wrong (e.g. one kid needs to be somewhere Wednesday night, not Thursday night, as I’d put on my calendar…). All this is to say, the planning thing is still a work in progress. I really would like to think through each week’s kid activity schedule prior to Sunday. Unfortunately, it can’t be on auto-pilot as there is always something different, especially during the holidays.

Rule #3: Move by 3 p.m. Perfect score. Often this was a short walk before 3 p.m. (some of my runs/workouts happened after 3 p.m.). On Sunday it was pouring when I realized at 2:20 p.m. that I needed to get my walk in but I put on my coat and grabbed an umbrella and went and I felt refreshed after. This is why the rule exists.

Rule #4: Three times a week is a habit. I ran three times this week, as described above. I played the piano a great many times (5 times/week) — helped by the book of Christmas carols, though also some hymn playing and working on a Haydn sonata. I do think I am improving after six months of making this a focus.

As for family meals — Thanksgiving helps with this! As did a lighter activity schedule. We had family dinner on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. We went to my brother’s house in New Jersey for Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, so that was like an uber-family meal. We had “family lunch” minus the 2-year-old on Friday, which was kind of nice. He is cute but does add an element of chaos to meals. We could be a bit more calm with only older kids around the table. My husband and the two older boys went to College Station, Texas for the Texas A&M game Friday – Sunday, but we did all have family dinner together on Sunday night after they were back.

I’ve been pondering which things I want to aim for 3x a week in the new year. If you’re pondering New Year’s resolutions, that might be a practical way to structure a goal.

Rule #5: Create a back-up slot. Friday wound up serving that function just by virtue of having the time available for work!

Rule #6: One big adventure, one little adventure. Running a 5k with my kid was certainly an adventure, though I had a few more too. On Saturday night I took the three younger kids (those of us who didn’t go to Texas) to Tinseltown, which is a holiday light display in Oaks. The kids enjoyed running around through all the lighted displays, including a long light tunnel. The 11-year-old and 7-year-old got to go down the ice slide, though the 2-year-old was bitterly disappointed that he was too short. However, we recovered with a visit with Santa! This was the 2-year-old’s first time visiting Santa. He sat on his lap and told him he wanted an “Octopus shark robot.” He has repeated this several times now, so Santa’s got his work cut out for him… It was so sweet, and definitely memorable.

Then on Sunday the four of us went to the Brandywine Museum of Art to see the holiday train display. The 2-year-old was also excited about this (there was Thomas! And a tiny Santa flying in the sky!). We checked out the doll house and did a seek-and-find with lots of objects in there (including a butter churn and a roast pig). Then we went to Longwood Gardens and ran through another light tunnel and took in the Christmas trees and poinsettias. It was a brief visit, so maybe I’ll try to go back solo to see things at a more studied pace, but so it goes with little kids.

Rule #7: Take one night for you. I didn’t have choir rehearsal this week, but I did sing in the Sunday service. Also, the sitter for the 2-year-old meant I got some more time to myself, if less structured time. It was a real holiday treat. On the days with mild weather I sat in the hammock for a few minutes, so that was some me-time too.

Rule #8: Batch the little things. I did try to batch my online holiday shopping and I have gotten a lot of it done. I’ll triage the list over the next few weeks (I still need to do extended family presents, and supervise the kids’ sibling presents) but I’m feeling positive.

Rule #9: Effortful before effortless. This was a big win this week! I actually finished the 1000-piece holiday puzzle. I knew this one would be addictive partly because it was so doable — there were no large spaces of indistinguishable pieces. So I made time every day to work on it. I will probably buy another because it really is a fun way to spend some downtime!

I spent some time building the Lego Holiday Village with the 13-year-old and 11-year-old (we’re on bag 5 of 7…). We trimmed the tree. I baked Christmas cookies with the 11-year-old and 7-year-old. We attempted to decorate gingerbread houses, but the Oreo version I got at Costco didn’t really hold together. We also bought a pre-built one but the 2-year-old “helped” by putting the frosting bag right into his mouth, which kind of reduced other people’s interest in the project… Oh well. And I read some December magazines. Those tend to be my favorite of the year.

How did your week go?

Photo: Completed in 8 days. 

But this week featured a lot of meals out — all with other adults or only older kids — which was a fun treat!

Sadly, there was also another less fun food episode this week … where some folks I was partly responsible for feeding did not get the adventure they’d planned on. My 13-year-old went camping with the Boy Scouts over the weekend. He was assigned to buy food for the group. We bought quite a bit — more than would probably be needed, since they shortened the trip by one night because it was so cold. He had to leave by 8 a.m. on Saturday, and my husband was off running a half-marathon, and I was juggling the baby while getting my camper out the door. I put the food from the fridge in the cooler…but not the food from the freezer. This was not discovered until the night when my husband sent me a text asking about the chicken patties in bags…

So, big parent fail there. They had enough calories (since we bought for an extra meal) but it didn’t quite work as meals as intended.

Anyway, my entire family is excited about the short week coming up. I am not hosting Thanksgiving, so we are only responsible for wine and a few side dishes. I will not leave these in the freezer!

Here’s how I did on the 9 Tranquility by Tuesday rules last week. (These are my nine favorite time management rules that I highlight in my most recent book. I can track my adherence pretty easily since I track my time; you can too!)

Rule #1: Give yourself a bedtime. I’d rate this week “pretty good.” I stayed up a little later on Thursday night because I was hanging out with my husband, and on Saturday night I wasn’t quite tired at 11 p.m. because I’d woken up at 7:15 a.m. But on both of those nights I was asleep by 11:30, and every other night, I observed my lights-out time.

(Since I’ve tracked my time for 7.5 years I can look back and see what time I used to go to bed. Let’s just say that the last week that started on Monday, November 14, which was 2016, was a disaster for sleep. My now 7-year-old — then 22 months old — was up in the middle of the night or early, like 4 a.m., most days, and I wound up going to bed before 10 p.m. each night as a result. Wow…memories. Life is a lot better now on the sleep front!)

Rule #2: Plan on Fridays. As always. I made sure to plan out the kids’ activity schedule on Friday this week too. It is blessedly light for the upcoming week! Then it is going to get crazy again as the 13-year-old just got promoted to a new fencing class that is 2 hours long, and the 11-year-old will be in the middle school musical.

Rule #3: Move by 3 p.m. A perfect score! I walked or ran before 3 p.m. on six out of the seven days, and on Saturday I participated in toddler swim class, which was its own very active experience. My son absolutely did not want to get his suit on, then relented and got dressed, then did not want to do the activities, then proceeded to blow bubbles perfectly well. I guess he just feels the need to fight everything first.

Rule #4: Three times a week is a habit. My piano playing was definitely helped by the acquisition of a book of Christmas carols. It’s not perfect — the music does not stay open well and some of the arrangements are strange — but owning this book of songs has made playing more interesting and hence more appealing. I played multiple times this week.

I ran three times a week, though not long any of the times. I was planning to run on Sunday as my third time for the week, but the day was cold and oh-so-windy. I was despairing of running outside. So my husband and I went to the gym together! We do not do that often, but we had a sitter for afternoon-into-evening, so that was its own little adventure.

There was only one true family dinner (Wednesday night; breakfast for dinner night) but dinner on Monday and Thursday was sort-of eaten together, in the sense that it happened in shifts. On Monday (pasta), my husband didn’t make it downstairs until after at least one of the children had eaten and left the table. And then Thursday (sushi + pan Asian delivery) most of us were eating simultaneously, but some had to start and end early due to various commitments.

Rule #5: Create a back-up slot. My version of self-employment involves a fair amount of control over my schedule. Whenever possible, I will concentrate time-bound commitments (e.g. calls, podcast interviews) to certain days, so I can leave other days open. That strategy paid off this week when a new friend suggested getting together for lunch (more on that below) and I was able to do so on Wednesday.

Rule #6: One big adventure, one little adventure. I think almost all my adventures this week were food related. First — a fellow preschool mom (who has been listening to Best of Both Worlds!) suggested she take me to a local Persian restaurant (her particular background). I love food and, not being familiar with Persian cuisine, relished the idea of being introduced to it by someone who knew what she was doing. So we met at a place called the Persian Grille and she ordered many, many dishes, which I tried (and then she took the leftovers home for dinner for the next few nights). It was much fun, and tasty, so definitely an adventure there.

I met another friend for curry on a different day, and made a spontaneous McDonalds trip with my 13-year-old when we realized we were about 20 minutes early for fencing and there was a McDonalds nearby. That may not sound adventurous but I rarely eat there…and it just hit the spot. We split one of those extra value meals, with him having the cheeseburger and Coke and me eating the fries.* Hot fries in a cold car was just…magical.

I also took my 15-year-old and 11-year-old to a Brazilian steakhouse on Saturday. That was an adventure to have people slice cut after cut of meat on our plates. And then my husband and I went out to eat for our date night on Sunday night — Mexican. So quite the culinary trip around the world this week!

Rule #7: Take one night for you. I went to choir rehearsal as usual on Thursday night. I was quite tired at the beginning, but singing several choruses from the Messiah perked me right up. That is the reason this rule exists. We draw energy from fun things. And so when we commit to something fun, we go even when we are tired…and reap the benefits of this active self-care.

Rule #8: Batch the little things. I made an official “punch list” on Friday and plowed through it. This week’s list included, among other things, returning forms to the middle school, canceling an annual subscription I forgot to cancel last year, and paying a few bills.

Rule #9: Effortful before effortless. My screen time function showed me spending a lot of time online. So I’m not saying that didn’t happen. However, I did make space for a lot of effortful fun. I finished my autumn puzzle (and the missing piece was found!). My Christmas-themed 1000-piece puzzle showed up in the mail so I’ll start that this week. I also started the Lego Christmas Village with my 13-year-old and 11-year-old. We’ve just finished bag #2, and I think there are 8 or 9 of them. I played the piano as described above. I finished Edward III in my Shakespeare reading project,** and started on Timon of Athens. This is…not my favorite of Shakespeare’s works. However, as a little reward for all my Shakespeare reading, I went to a performance of Midsummer Night’s Dream at my son’s high school (with him and the 11-year old). The young man who played Bottom was just enjoying it so, so much, which is really what makes the play. Having read almost all of Shakespeare’s works at this point, I can now say Midsummer Night’s Dream is my favorite for sure. Just comedic perfection.

How was your week?

In other news: I am this week’s guest on Best Laid Plans! Sarah and I recorded this episode on our retreat last week. Lots of fun to do that in person.

*He may be the only person on the planet who doesn’t like the fries.

**Much debate on whether Shakespeare wrote that one — it’s not in my anthology, so I read it online — but it was on the reading calendar I’ve been following, so I read it.

So I thought through back up plans (a later Thursday flight, etc.). In the end, as we got closer and closer to Wednesday night, the app kept saying the flight was on time. I went ahead and packed before bed, set my alarm, and hoped for the best.

Sure enough, I woke to a notice that my flight was boarding in roughly 90 minutes (I’m not big on getting to the airport early for early morning flights…). So I drove, parked, got to the gate, and we commenced boarding a few minutes after I arrived. The pilot warned of “significant turbulence,” as we’d fly over the side of the storm. They cleared all cups and had us locked down mid-way through the flight and then it was just…not that bad. Blessedly. It wasn’t even the worst flight I’ve been on this year. I would call that turbulence “modest” at most.

After that, it was a fun trip! Sarah and I hung out in hammocks on the beach brainstorming episode ideas, and we recorded 2.5 episodes. We planned out several other things, some of which will be shared here soon.

Anyway, I was very glad the trip happened. Here’s how I did on the Tranquility by Tuesday rules this week:

(For new readers — each week I write about how I did on the 9 rules that I feature in Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters. It’s usually easy for me to determine this because I track my time. You can too!)

Rule #1: Give yourself a bedtime. Longtime BOBW listeners may have observed that one of us is a morning person and one of us, despite writing books on morning routines and hosting a podcast called Before Breakfast is…not. One of us is also way more serious about exercise and one of us…well, just tries to be game for stuff. So we wound up hitting the hotel gym at 7 a.m. each morning. I set my alarm for 6:35 (enough time to dress and have an espresso). That meant I observed my bedtime. Actually I went to bed at 10, not 11. I hit my bedtime every other night except Monday, when I was hanging out with my husband.

Rule #2: Plan on Fridays. I did not bring my planner to Florida with me, but during a break between Best of Both Worlds business, I pulled out my calendar and planned the upcoming week on a hotel notepad. Planning doesn’t have to be fancy, as long as you figure out what’s important, along with what’s happening. I’ve assigned myself several personal tasks of purchasing tickets/items from the Holiday Fun List, now that this exists. I also might be hiring help on the marketing front (priority lists really can encompass everything…)

Rule #3: Move by 3 p.m. Every day! I thought I might not on Thursday, given the 7:30 a.m. flight, but in fact Sarah and I took a short stroll at 2 p.m. on the “nature trail” around the resort. It was kind of just a path by the parking lot but whatever. Walking is walking. Saturday’s moving featured a Peloton app workout done on SHU’s encouragement in the hotel gym. I looked ridiculous but it was a good workout!

Rule #4: Three times a week is a habit. I ran four times — once on Tuesday afternoon, and then on Friday and Saturday morning on the hotel treadmill. I ran with my 15-year-old on Sunday afternoon in the blustery cold. He did really well. We are in great shape for the Turkey Trot 5k in 10 days.

I know I played the piano three times though for the life of me I can’t find where I did it during the work week…this is a time-tracking fail where I just didn’t write it down. I ordered my books of Christmas carols and I’m looking forward to those coming.

As for family dinner, we ate together Monday, Tuesday, Saturday, and Sunday — not bad for a week where both adults had travel!

Rule #5: Create a back-up slot. Normally I try to leave Fridays open but that wasn’t happening this week. However, I did leave some time open today (Monday) to get to the overflow that I might have put on Friday. I identified Saturday night as a spot when I could spend 30 minutes recording Before Breakfast episodes (since that didn’t happen with the plumbers being in the house all week and then my traveling).

Rule #6: One big adventure, one little adventure. Going to Florida was, overall, my big adventure. Key Largo is lovely. In particular, I spent an hour just wading in the calm warm water, looking at the puffy clouds (SHU was taking a nap/rest). Being able to swim in the ocean in November is amazing when you live in the northeast! Since I was in the water I didn’t have my phone with me for an hour, which was an act of bravery given how often my family was texting me over the 60 hours I was gone (one child who shall not be named texted me on Thursday and Friday to come pick them up — I replied both times that I was in a different state…)

As for my little adventure, maybe I’ll designate doing those bear crawls on the hotel gym floor. I also took the 2-year-old to a playdate at a new friend’s house on Tuesday, and then took him with me to vote on our way home. That made that experience a bit more adventurous than it would have been otherwise.

Rule #7: Take one night for you. I did not go to choir practice this week. However, I sang with the choir on Sunday morning as usual. And I got a lot of time for myself on the retreat.

Rule #8: Batch the little things. I did a lot of email batching. On Wednesday afternoon, I went to the garage to work (so the little guy wouldn’t see me and stop being happy) with the specific goal of hashing through my email backlog. I got through almost all of it in an hour, which was good.

Rule #9: Effortful before effortless. I did a lot of magazine reading this week, finished Henry VIII, and started Edward III in my Shakespeare project. Apparently, this is a recent addition to the Shakespeare canon with people historically thinking it wasn’t him who wrote it (it’s not in my illustrated anthology), and now the scholarship suggesting he wrote parts of it. I’m suspecting he wrote the part where the King woos the (married) Countess because it’s just funny. He wants his scribe to write a love poem, and he’s throwing out suggestions, and the scribe pens a line praising the countess’s chastity. The King suggests maybe that’s not the attribute he wishes to praise in this situation. Also, there’s a “But soft!…” in there a la Romeo and Juliet.

I spent more than two hours on the puzzle…it’s getting closer. I need to find another book to read but that will happen eventually.

How did this past week go for you?

Screen time fits these constraints incredibly well. You can spend 2 minutes or 2 hours on Twitter. You don’t need to plan ahead to enjoy Netflix. Consequently, such “effortless” fun tends to fill the bulk of people’s leisure time.

And there’s nothing wrong with that on its own. Effortless fun is fun! The problem is that because such fun is so effortless, it tends to crowd out other leisure activities such as reading, hobbies, or connecting with friends — all things people claim they’d love to find time for.

The solution is Tranquility by Tuesday Rule 9: Effortful before effortless. Aim to do at least a few minutes of more active fun before switching to screens. I believe that doing so can completely change the balance of your leisure time and make it feel more rejuvenating….but you don’t just need to take my word for it!

Gillian Goddard, a physician and mother of four, lives in a suburb outside New York City. In this week’s Tranquility by Tuesday In Real Life video, she talks about how learning Rule #9 changed her life. She began reading more seriously, and doing puzzles with her family. She also chose to make the effortless fun of screens a little more effortful by making various apps less accessible. A smart move!

As you can see in the video, she and I enjoyed a little effortful fun together of taking a walk to her local library. As Gillian has been a commenter on this blog for several years (and a guest on Best of Both Worlds!) it was so fun to get to see her home and her life.

Please check out the fourth installment of my TBT In Real Life video series to see how Rule #9 helped Gillian enjoy her limited leisure time more. If you enjoy the video, please share it around! I’d love to give it a wide audience.

In case you missed them, here are the previous three videos:

— Elisa Ung on Rule #7: Take one night for you
— Rachana Shah on Rule #6: One big adventure, one little adventure
— Rachel Scarpato on Rule #2: Plan on Fridays

I hope you enjoy them all! If you haven’t picked up a copy of Tranquility by Tuesday yet, you can find links to online retailers on this page.

Then life continued and I didn’t do any puzzles for an entire year.

But this past week, I did! It is fall again, and so I found one of the undone fall puzzles and set up a puzzle mat on the dining room table. I am making progress sorting pieces in those little bits of low energy time that are otherwise hard to use well. The 20 minutes after getting the toddler down and before I need to go turn off other lights? Puzzle time.

Doing such “effortful fun” before “effortless fun” is Rule #9 in Tranquility by Tuesday. It is one I always find challenging. I do think the puzzles helped crowd out some meaningless screen time, which is the point of this rule. Now hopefully I don’t wind up in a situation where I get stuck on the puzzle (I deliberately chose a puzzle with zero blue sky this time!)

Here’s how I did on all the nine Tranquility by Tuesday rules this week…

(New here? For the time being, each Monday I post a scorecard documenting how I did on the nine rules that comprise Tranquility by Tuesday, my book that came out two weeks ago. I can usually figure this out pretty easily because I track my time — which you can do too!)

Rule #1: Give yourself a bedtime. Reasonably! Five out of seven nights I was in my bed right around 11 (maybe a few minutes after, but close). The two nights I stayed up late I was hanging out with my husband, which is also a priority. But those nights my bedtime was closer to 11:30 p.m., so not too bad. I can still get 7 hours of sleep before my 6:30 alarm (although I wound up awake on my own at 5:45 Thursday morning — I think I heard the heater come on — and my brother-in-law was visiting Thurs night/Fri AM, so I got up at 6:15 Friday morning to send him off).

Rule #2: Plan on Fridays. Confession — I actually started planning during some down time on Thursday. But I solidified the plan on Friday, and I made sure to write out the activity schedule for the kids too. This made the Sunday act of sending the schedule to my husband and nanny a slightly quicker enterprise. I also needed to work on this past weekend’s schedule some, and thinking it through on Thursday again made me feel slightly less crunched. But I could have done all that on Friday too.

Rule #3: Move by 3 p.m. Perfect score — 7 for 7! Monday’s “workout” was a bit unorthodox, in that I walked over a mile toward home from the PennDOT center where I was turned down for getting my RealID before my husband could pick me up (my car was in the shop). Several days I did a quick walk (or run) right at 2:30 p.m., which may not be much, but it made the afternoons feel better, which is the point of this rule. The fall colors are so beautiful right now. I hope to do some longer walks/runs this week!

Rule #4: Three times a week is a habit. For new readers: this rule is about aiming to do particular desired activities at least three times per week. I’ve been focusing on running, playing the piano, and having family meals.

I ran four times. My Friday run was very short, two loops around a nearby meadow, squeezed in after a podcast recording and before bringing my eldest to a Halloween party while trying to respect our nanny’s 5:30 end time. But it happened!

I played the piano three times. I do feel like I’m seeing some improvements as I work through tricky passages of the pieces I’ve been playing.

We ate family dinner all together on Monday and Wednesday. Friday we were missing my eldest, so I guess it wasn’t technically family dinner, but he did eat the same pizza we ate when he came home. One dinner win — the kids all tried rice noodles on Monday, and four out of five of them really liked them (the other child, sigh…). So that’s something we can add to the rotation.

Rule #5: Create a back-up slot. I had planned to get my Real ID on Monday, but when that didn’t work, I used an open window of space on Thursday. If I hadn’t needed that time, I was going to do a longer bike/run but that didn’t happen. Oh well, I am aiming for this week.

Rule #6: One big adventure, one little adventure. I had a few adventures this week, some of which people reading this blog joined me for! On Tuesday I hosted a webinar for people who pre-ordered the book. It was a good thing I bought the Zoom “large meetings” package! It was so fun taking questions once I figured out how to mute everyone…

I also hosted a small get-together for local friends and family on Saturday to toast the book. The weather was perfect for being outside and the fall colors certainly cooperated!

I took the younger three kids to Dutch Wonderland on Sunday. They had wanted to do at least one Halloween-themed event (we might wind up doing a Boo at the Zoo visit next weekend too). Alas, Sunday was on and off rainy, but we went anyway. Some parts of this amusement park visit were more adventurous than intended, such as when the 7-year-old went into the men’s room alone, and I needed to go to the bathroom so I took the other kids with me into the ladies’ room, and then came out and he wasn’t there…and wasn’t there…so I’m trying to figure out if he ran off into the park or what. It turned out he was just taking his time in the bathroom, but this is not the easiest thing to ascertain. The drizzle turned into a full-on storm while I was driving back in the dark on US-30, which is a 2-lane road through Lancaster, featuring the occasional horse and buggy. Visibility was terrible, and the road wasn’t draining fast, so people were skidding. We made it but it was not my favorite drive! I know the kids had fun, though, especially since we went to the pasta/pizza buffet place AND we made a stop at the gift store so I intend to remind them of this  adventure whenever they complain of something for at least the next week.

Rule #7: Take one night for you. I went to choir on Thursday night as usual. We’re getting close to our performance of Faure’s Requiem, so I keep having little phrases of that echoing in my brain.

Rule #8: Batch the little things. After spending all last Saturday morning packing for our 30-hour trip, I realized that I’m better off shortening the window for getting ready for things. So when we had some friends and family coming over at 4 p.m. on Saturday this week, I didn’t really start getting stuff ready until 3 p.m. (We already had the food and beverages). It was fine and I didn’t lose my entire morning.

Rule #9: Effortful before effortless. See my introduction to this post about my puzzles! I also finished reading Crying in H Mart and mostly enjoyed it. I used the Libby app to borrow it from the library and read it on my Kindle app while sitting with the toddler in the dark some nights. I finished Henry IV part 2 in my Shakespeare project and started Henry V. Apparently this one has a lot of famous quotes, so I’m looking forward to that. I also had to remind myself what happened in Richard II, which is the first part of this history tetralogy, but my reading calendar had me reading it several months ago. I’m not sure if that was wise, but it’s too late to change it now.

How did you do on the Tranquility by Tuesday rules?

Every Friday, I think about what will be important over the next week, and when I will do those things. I think about what I need to do, and what I want to do, in the categories of career, relationships, and self. I think about what I’m looking forward to. I aim to solve any logistical problems. In 20 minutes or so, I have my marching orders for the next 168 hours.

I find this weekly pause to survey the upcoming landscape so important that it became Tranquility by Tuesday Rule #2: Plan on Fridays. When I plan my weeks holistically, I feel more in control, and more like I am making progress on my goals.

That’s why I’m a Friday planning evangelist…but you don’t just need to take my word for it.

Rachel Scarpato of York, Pennsylvania, leads a team as part of her role at a real estate company. She also has three kids, and interests like playing the piano. In this week’s Tranquility by Tuesday in Real Life video, she talks about how learning Rule #2: Plan on Fridays was instrumental in helping her manage her team better, and make more time for fun.

I enjoyed driving out through some rustic parts of Pennsylvania to visit York! And Rachel was such a trooper. Her family was going through a major home renovation and they were just about to demolish the kitchen when my crew tromped through. But she squeezed us in! I wound up watching some magic tricks the kids were doing when the crew needed to film Rachel without them.

Please check out the third video in my Tranquility by Tuesday In Real Life series to see how Friday planning made life more calm for Rachel, and helped make her a more effective leader. If you like the video, please share it! I’d love to give it a big audience.

In case you missed it, here’s last week’s video, on how Rule #6: One big adventure, one little adventure, made life more exciting for Rachana Shah.

And here’s the first video, on how Elisa Ung learned Rule #7: Take one night for you.

If you haven’t picked up a copy of Tranquility by Tuesday yet, would you please do so? I appreciate the support!