Among the topics: School choices (especially given the logistics of larger families), date night babysitters, wanting to stay in bed all day, procrastination, goals vs. to-do items (and making space for the former), sleep and hobbies with young kids, and so forth.

Please give the episode a listen! And as always, we appreciate ratings and reviews. They really do help convince new listeners to give us a chance.

Yesterday I went for an afternoon walk. Today I’d use open time to take a nap as last night was just ridiculous. The toddler was up for 2.5 hours or so. My husband took the first hour, and then I took the remainder, being the “closer” for the situation. He (the toddler) was willing to lie in his crib while I sat in the rocking chair, so I added a substantial quantity of screen time to my tally for the day. I can attest that a lot of people are tweeting in the middle of the night.

This morning was subsequently dreary. I’m tired. My 14-year-old forgot his Spanish assignment and I drove it to school (I’m listening to Aaron Copland’s Rodeo in the car now after listening to Appalachian Spring ten times or so). We have an appliance installer here finally putting in our new dishwasher and a beverage station. Will this transform my coffee making? We shall see. My husband and I tend to make and share a pot, but the problem is we get off schedule. Someone makes a pot mid-day and we only drink half and then we leave it there and drink the day old coffee the next morning, but day old coffee is not as good as new coffee.

Some fun family news: My father was just elected to the American Academy of Arts & Sciences. This year’s class also includes Glenn Close and Salman Rushdie, so that’s kind of fun. You can read Notre Dame’s news release here.

In past-podcast-guest news: Kendra Adachi’s new book, The Lazy Genius Kitchen, came out yesterday. She talks about meal planning, kitchen layout, how to create dishes, and so forth. I think my favorite part is the formula for food at a party. You need six “bites” per person per hour, and three choices per ten people. So if you have 20 people over from 7-10 p.m., you need 6 x 20 x 3 bites, which is 360 bites. Since you have 20 people, and you need 3 choices per ten people, this means you need 6 choices. Ergo, you need 60 bites of six items. It’s just math!

(With seven people in my house, I guess every meal is something of a party. I can tell you that making 12 muffins does not last long. It’s unclear whether everyone can even get a muffin for breakfast the next morning. Guess we need more bites!)

However, now that my eldest is in high school — and thus the morning needs to start early — and my littlest has his own room — which means all of us are sleeping better — alarm clocks are featuring more prominently in my life. I set mine for 6:30 a.m. and I can reasonably expect that I will not be woken by something else before then.

Longtime readers know that my sleep “set point” is 7.4 hours/day. Over any longer period of time, this is what I average. I know this from almost 7 years of time tracking data. There are good nights and bad nights, but over the course of a month or two, this is where I end up.

Since I know this, I try to set my daily schedule to allow for this amount of sleep. I’m in my bed around 10:30 and relaxing, with the lights going off around 10:45 or 11. If they are out and I am out by then, this will allow for 7.4 hours of sleep. It actually allows for a little more, which explains the phenomenon of waking up somewhere between 6-6:30 on some chunk of mornings. On Friday night last weekend, for instance, I got in bed at 11 p.m., and sure enough, woke up at 6:25 a.m.

Waking before an alarm clock with no one demanding my attention is an interesting phenomenon. I often just lie there (I worry if I get up the house will start waking…). I will likely start using the time to read if this keeps happening. Though honestly, since I’m not really a morning person, I suspect this will lead me to wait a little longer before going to bed. We shall see.

Do you wake with an alarm clock or generally before? What time is your alarm going off these days?

In other news: Last call for the I Know How She Does It book discussion! I’m doing an author chat to benefit the Ronald McDonald House of Philadelphia. For a donation of $25 or more, you can join in. (That link goes to the registration form for my session; there is also a link to the donation site on that page where you can). I’d love to see some friendly faces; it will be at noon eastern tomorrow (2/11).

Photo: Sunrise from my retreat in Cape May this fall

We officially moved ourselves yesterday, though. We ate a Grubhub delivered dinner on the floor of the new kitchen because we don’t have any chairs. Or a table. We slept on air mattresses on the floor because we won’t have beds for a few days. It was not the easiest night. The toddler really fussed about sleeping in the portable crib, and was up until 11 or so. There are random beeps from various things. Nothing is where it is supposed to be so I kept tromping up and down the stairs. Some of the kids were wigged out by the new space, and some of the air mattresses were less than fully comfortable (I did OK, but I was also really tired). Also, the van battery died last night so we had to use the jumper cables, which added a note of whimsy (ha) to a tough evening. I would really like to replace the van but it seems there are no cars to be had…same problem affecting our oven, fridge, etc…

I know the first night anywhere is hard. I have a vague memory of our first night in the old house some 10.5 years ago. Everyone was freaked out by new noises and such. We will get used to things and when all our new stuff is there things will slowly come together. Already some of the kids’ new furniture is in and it’s really cute. And the 12-year-old has really liked having his own room. He’s already assembled the (indoor, foam) hatchet toss set he got for Christmas in there.

So, patience…And wow, there is nothing like seeing all your stuff come out of the cabinets to remind you how fast stuff can accumulate…Everything will find its way to a new home eventually.

On the plus side, we got our family photos back from Yana and they turned out well! I’m posting some over on Instagram (@lvanderkam). As predicted, wrangling the children was stressful but also as predicted, I’m really happy to have the pictures. Now we need to make the Christmas card!

I started holiday shopping in earnest this week. Some children are easier to shop for than others. I am really struggling with what to get the 12-year-old. He has promised to think about it and help me out. I should note that he has about $60 in birthday gift card money that he has yet to spend. Contentment is good but this does make gift giving challenging! I welcome ideas on what anyone buys pre-teen boys.

Also in financial news: We set the 10-year-old up with a bank account. Our family policy is to get the kids an account at age 10 so they can start learning about saving and investing. This has been fun to watch. The 14-year-old bought Disney stock on the dip of the pandemic when the theme parks were closed. He was bullish on them coming back and has been rewarded for that bet. I should note that in general we are index-fund-oriented investors who don’t try to time the market, but that is a lot less interesting for kids starting out.

I’ve been pondering what to choose as my 2022 year-long read. I have really enjoyed reading through War and Peace at the pace of one chapter a day during 2021. Right now I’m having to restrain myself from just finishing the darn thing (only about 150 pages to go). After some thought, I’m pretty sure that I will spend 2022 reading through all the works of Shakespeare. I found a reading plan that assigns the plays and poems and sonnets to appropriate times of the year (we start with Twelfth Night, of course, for early January!) and I have a copy of the collected works, so I think that should work well. Humorously, the front of the book notes that it was “purchased at Stratford on Avon, England,” by my husband, during the summer of 1988, back when he was bumming around Europe as a student.

And speaking of books — though not quite so classic…the Kindle version of 168 Hours is on sale for $1.99 today over at Amazon. If you haven’t read my first time management book and were thinking about doing so, today would be a good day to get a copy!

Photo: I think of this as the album cover image. There are some with our faces over on Instagram (@lvanderkam). Photo credit Yana Shellman.

So it goes. This tree’s glowing red and the magnolia in the front yard’s showy pink spring blossoms last for just a week or so each year. Whatever else is going on, I know I need to stop and notice them. Savor them for a few days in April and November. This year this savoring has had more poignancy to it as we will be living in our new house for the spring blossoms. There are going to be beautiful ones there. I walked a row of late blooming cherry trees, for instance, and once we start taking care of the place it will blossom. I know there are fiery trees there for autumn, too. But we come to know “our” trees and their rhythms and this year I am saying goodbye to these.

Anyway, it has been a long week, with much interrupted sleep. The toddler has been clingy and unhappy (the interrupted sleep isn’t good for him either, even if he’s causing the problem!). But the kids’ activities are winding down, so this weekend should, theoretically, be more relaxed. I sorted through some kid clothes and found size 12 jeans for the 12-year-old. I also found a pair of *my* jeans tucked in that same pile, which I guess had been missing for a while. Since it’s raining today, the workmen aren’t working on my neighbor’s roof, so I can get ahead on recording. I will take these little wins!

I did get to see some cover concepts this week for Tranquility by Tuesday, and it’s exciting to think about the book coming to fruition. The new (old) house is also nearing completion. I’m rounding into the final sections of War and Peace too. Time passes one way or another and with any big project when you keep making progress, eventually progress is made.

I’m singing in my church’s All Saints service on Sunday. One piece we’re singing is this lovely Jake Runestad number called Let My Love Be Heard. The middle section is…whoa. It will be something and it is good to sing with other people again. I missed it.

The weekend will be cold but the leaves are mostly still on the trees so we’ll be doing at least one fall walk. The kids are not huge fans of walks but…I don’t care. They can get off screens for an hour or two! Hope everyone has a lovely weekend planned.

Photo: Sleeping baby…which he should be more often. 

I have been waking up between 6-6:30 a.m. Theoretically I could set my alarm for, say, 6, and get 10-15 minutes before the kids wake up. But I’m not a naturally early riser and so I’m trying to get as much sleep as I can. Anyway, I have been sleeping in the guest room so I don’t hear the toddler start to babble at 5:30. My husband either ignores him or gets him — I am not really sure which — but has so far not been handing him to me before 6 a.m., so I don’t ask questions.

The morning frenzy really starts at 6:30 when the 14-year-old is woken up. I generally make him breakfast because otherwise he will just eat a piece of bread. Not even toasted. I am doing this while juggling the toddler who, if he hasn’t been fed yet, is yelling “Mommy milk!” (It’s great when they start using their words, right?) Inevitably the dog is downstairs barking in his crate. My husband is either showering or (if he was up at 5:45) sleeping. I might pour a cup of coffee but the toddler has a tendency to wave his arms and legs around while nursing, so this is a dicey proposition. Sometimes we read a story but again, it is an active process.

The 12-year-old needs to be up at 6:50 in order to have a shot of getting ready for the bus. At this point my husband is bringing the dog outside, and then brings him back in, so he’s in the kitchen with the rest of us (sometimes he goes on the porch then, but then he might bark and I’m trying not to be terrible as a neighbor). 7 a.m is peak crazy, as my husband and the 14-year-old are headed out the door for the high school run, I’m getting the 12-year-old breakfast, the dog is barking, the baby is running around, and inevitably the 6-year-old hears the commotion and comes downstairs with his own needs (somehow the 10-year-old sleeps through all this…I have to wake her at 7:45). One of those needs is to be supervised packing his lunch, since he decided after a few weeks of school lunches that he wasn’t going to eat them anymore (to be fair, the last week wasn’t a great week — the district is having supply chain issues, and he’s “selective” — picky — enough that if what he thought was there wasn’t, he just doesn’t eat. The other kids will eat whatever is on offer).

Yes, at the moment, 7:00 a.m. is not my favorite time of day. It does get better. The 12-year-old gets on the bus at 7:25 and if my husband is working from home, he comes home around then from the high school run and I go shower. Our nanny comes to work at 8, the elementary kids are on the bus at 8:30, and the dog often goes into his crate for a morning nap around then, so things settle down considerably. If 7 a.m. is terrible, 8:45 a.m. can be quite lovely. So while it might be nice to trouble shoot the morning rush, and while I’m sure there are things that can be done better, I’m trying to remember that a weekday morning consists of both 7 a.m. and 8:45 a.m., and one is not necessarily more representative than the other.

However, I would like to drink my coffee before 8:45 a.m. So that “uninterrupted cup” is a work in progress…

In other news: This should be a great fall weekend — we’re doing some leaf peeping, seeing a lot of family, hiking, and having cider and donuts. I have been learning the names of fall wildflowers, as I mentioned in my fall fun list. There’s a lot of white snakeroot everywhere (those are the little white flowers), goldenrod (self-explanatory), and asters in various forms.

I may abandon my first fall-themed puzzle, as there are approximately 150 pieces of blue sky to go…and I am just not feeling it.

I had an idea for a novel featuring a character who always does the blue sky in 1000 piece puzzles first….

But…it kind of has that look. I need the kids to take the bus most days (I will drive the high schooler some days for reasons that will become apparent below, but I do need to have bus service available, which means he needs to take it at least a few times per week).

The high schooler will get on the bus around 6:40 a.m. (!!!). I don’t think he’s been awake at this time in ages. This is also kind of ridiculous, as the school is 8 minutes from our house and starts at 7:30. (The good news is that he is the first kid dropped off in the afternoon — so the afternoon commute will be very short…I wish this were flipped but oh well). The middle schooler gets on the bus at 7:30 (school starts 8:15…though again, it’s only 10 minutes from our house). The elementary kids will get on the bus at 8:30. The toddler has generally been waking up around 6:30 a.m. but that is highly variable. Sometimes more like 6, sometimes closer to 7. Our nanny currently starts at 8 a.m. but that could shift if there was a compelling reason for it.

I think the high schooler will shower the night before and have things ready so he can get up at 6:15, eat a pre-made breakfast and shuffle out the door on his bus days. While I’d love to have this not involve me….I think it will need to involve me. The middle schooler will likely get up at 7:00 and his morning will follow the same format. If needed, the elementary school students can be woken up around 7:45, but they’re often up by then anyway.

At the moment my husband is mostly around too, though that could change. We both think of our workdays as starting at 8 a.m. In the past I’ve waited at the bus stop with the elementary school kids, but I think I am not sure I want to commit to doing that this year.

So…any thoughts on how to make this morning more enjoyable? When should I eat? Shower? Should I try to build some sort of morning routine into this? I do like the idea of morning exercise, and one option would be for me to cover the 6:15-7:15 kid shift and then give the baby (and responsibility for getting the middle schooler out the door) over to my husband and run from 7:15-8 or so at least a few days per week. I could then shower, say goodbye to the kids, and start my work day for real at 8:30.

But I am open to suggestions! If anyone else has multiple bus pick ups staggered over two hours, let me know what your mornings look like….or what my rule should be on when we drive the kid with the really really early pick-up….

Photo: The old coffee maker, now no longer with us…

As part of that, I’ve been packing up the infant clothes in bins — to go in the attic for now, though probably they’ll be donated at some point. I realized, going through the bins, that some of the cute baby stuff never got worn this time around.

I’ve been pondering why this is. For starters, we turn out to have a lot of baby clothes. Also, a big part of it is that we didn’t go many places. We wouldn’t have taken a newborn many places during flu season anyway, and then the pandemic began, and so there was much time at home. He wound up wearing pajamas frequently. Very practical — only one piece to deal with, comfy to nap in, and with footy pajamas, no socks to get lost. Making sure he was wearing all the cute outfits we had would have been a lot of bother, and in the midst of the newborn days, you tend to be tired enough that the easy way always seems like the best way.

And most likely it is. But then time passes and it turns out that there’s only really a 6 month window to wear those 6-12 month clothes.

In any case, things do get easier. I’m sleeping better. The little guy is old enough to assist with putting his arms through sleeves. He is going out and about. So the older kid clothes are getting worn. As are the older older kid clothes! My 6-year-old went to camp today in a T-shirt from that camp that an older child passed down. Good to see that get used.

In other news: I turn out to be flexible. Maybe not in terms of personality (though I like to think so…) but like a gymnast. A few children are working on doing splits and I mentioned that I had been able to do them at one point. They were curious if I still had this ability. I tried, and it turns out I do! Not bad for age 42. Also, when touching my toes I can put my hands flat on the floor. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with this ability, other than brag about it here.

Photo: A single tiny baby Croc. Sadly, I cannot find the other half of the pair.