Comments on: Best of Both Worlds podcast: Cheerfully living on less with the Frugal Girl

By: Laura Vanderkam

Laura Vanderkam — Sun, 01 May 2022 02:23:55 +0000

In reply to Wenny.

@Wenny – this is a great question – I think scheduling is a great idea. You commit to a certain number of posts per week and know roughly when you will write them. I tend to plan out posts weekly – when I plan on Fridays I figure out what I’ll write the next week. You could certainly put posts on the calendar for far ahead of time – so you don’t have to think of them in the moment. And yes, knowing you could crank out a post in a small amount of time can be helpful for keeping it in perspective. You could time this and see if you could consistently do it in some unit of time that feels reasonable.

By: Wenny

Wenny — Sat, 30 Apr 2022 19:34:16 +0000

About “having it all”… I agree that the therapist could have been more supportive, and in such cases, take on a coaching role. I like to approach it as “having it all, but not at the same time,” so the discussion about how this newborn/infant phase is just the worst but will end is a very good reminder not to make big decisions right away.
Going back to the intro, I also wanted to say that it’s pretty challenging to have a blog and a separate career too, so I am impressed by Sarah and others who maintain theirs. My own blog’s topic, while related to the industry I am in as a scientist, has been a resource I created for others and hasn’t been to showcase my scientific work or my brand. When I am actively writing and working on the blog, I love it and it gives me so much joy, but setting aside the mind space and time to do it during the everyday hustle is always a hurdle. What do you recommend? Scheduling it? Practice being able to write in small increments? Planning out posts a year in advance? External gratification and validation from others always give me a motivational boost, but how can I maintain that energy?

By: Emily

Emily — Tue, 26 Apr 2022 00:25:50 +0000

I really felt for the listener too! I am a full time physician and just emerging from the first year with my second child. The first time around it was HARD, so the second time I took a different approach. It was still incredibly hard, but I felt so much better about it. On maternity leave I had two goals each day 1) go for a walk and 2) take a shower. The walk and being outside is extremely important for my well-being, so this was critical. As I returned to work I conceptualized my “hierarchy of needs.” First sleep. Second outside time a few times a week (no longer daily when not on leave). Third more social time. Now that I am no longer pumping I have started exercising. Any time I started to feel guilty about not exercising I reminded myself that I wasn’t there on my pyramid yet. I have not taken on ( too many) new projects this year at work. It really helped me balance my expectations, and the second time around I had the perspective that this all gets better in a few years. Best of luck to the caller and to anyone in the midst of this struggle.

By: Erica

Erica — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 15:14:08 +0000

The pumping thing is so, so fraught. When I listened to the episode I was also kind of annoyed that deciding to stop pumping was never mentioned as an option. Of course, it’s easy to say (as a person who is not currently breastfeeding) that if pumping is taking the place of running, and running is something you want to do, that you can choose to not pump. But this is a very personal decision, and there is a lot of fear (one’s supply might dry up, the baby might not be willing to drink formula, antibodies, etc.) and if breastfeeding is something that was hard to start it can be emotionally difficult to do anything that might hasten its end.

However, the false narrative around “having it all” (which really means having a few very specific things) is so ridiculous. Time is finite whether or not you have kids. (Also, did the therapist suggest that maybe her husband should scale back at his job? He is probably trying to “have it all,” too.)

Unpopular opinion: pumping can be very relaxing. I always found it took two hands (although maybe pumps have gotten better) so it was an excuse to watch TV.

By: Laura Vanderkam

Laura Vanderkam — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 14:48:25 +0000

In reply to Margot. @Margot- very true that this doesn't need to be all or nothing.

By: Margot

Margot — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 11:36:54 +0000

In reply to Laura Vanderkam. Also, you can still have the experience of nursing your baby without being the sole provider of his calories. If she stops pumping (or pumps less), baby can take formula while she is at work but she may still be able to do a morning/ evening nursing sesh. Hmmm... Maybe we CAN have it all. (jk but I was also annoyed at this therapists pronouncement)

By: Laura Vanderkam

Laura Vanderkam — Wed, 20 Apr 2022 16:23:13 +0000

In reply to omdg.

@omdg – it’s the matching outfits that get me. My kids consent to this exactly once per year (Christmas morning). I cannot fathom the daily dose of it…

By: Laura Vanderkam

Laura Vanderkam — Wed, 20 Apr 2022 16:22:22 +0000

In reply to Gillian.

@Gillian – very true, but from past experience I know that it is not always taken as helpful to suggest this 🙂 I guess another option would be to see if her company would let her work from home more often — way more common now than 3 years ago. She could have a nanny care for the baby at home and then nurse on schedule, which is far more pleasant than pumping.

By: omdg

omdg — Wed, 20 Apr 2022 14:43:34 +0000

Thank you for the reminder that what we see on social media is fake fake fake!

By: Gillian

Gillian — Wed, 20 Apr 2022 14:10:42 +0000

It was also disappointed that there was no mention in the Q&A that pumping is optional! Sometimes, when women are feeling like this listener is the need and are looking for permission to quit. This would lighten her load substantially and may be the right path for her right now. Happy moms make happy healthy babies.