Don’t get me started on these kinds of signs! It is like when changing tables are only available in ladies’ restrooms. What if a dad is there with his child? They may be small things but they contribute to building stereotypes that are no good for gender equality.

@ Laura: yes, absolutely a lot to unpack! I realized I just really don’t like the term “de-gender” because of the obvious and important differences between the genders (and I think people sometimes mistakenly equate equality with sameness); perhaps rephrasing it to making parental policies more inclusive of fathers seems to accomplish the same task. For example, at a restaurant recently, I saw a sign above one of the parking spots that said, “Mothers with young children”. I thought that was awesome, but then later realized – what about dads? Simply writing “parents with young children” would be better. 🙂

@Noelle – agree with your point, although sometimes some companies have the actual birth + recovery covered under disability policy, and then the parental leave part is different. So there might be 8 weeks of parental leave + 6 weeks short term disability, meaning that a birth mother could have 14 and a father 8. It’s still de-gendered, but with acknowledging the birth as a major medical event.

I think there are many interesting ways of looking at this question, which is the broader one in general of wanting to see gender equality yet also seeing that there might be gender differences. A lot to unpack there, philosophically 🙂

Agree! I did it too – pumped at work and and BF exclusively at home and never gave a drop of formula. In retrospect, it would have been SO much easier / more freeing to relax this a bit, but I was never amenable to (as Sarah and Lori seemed to echo) releasing some of the grip on it. It’s interesting to me that we are willing to agree that it’s good to spend time away from baby, outsource, etc, but BF is something that many(?) are not willing to relax at all, oftentimes at the expense of other priorities.

I think it is a powerful combination of the societal pressure to breastfeed (which is INTENSE) and the personal, emotional aspect of maintaining the breastfeeding relationship with your baby and wanting to do what (we’re told) is best for your baby. I also think that a lot of women who are educated and work are used to aiming high, working hard and succeeding, and exclusively breastfed is another goal to aim for.

I am going through this personally at the moment, though not as intensely as some others, and I did not expect to feel the way I do at all (which also changes throughout the day). It is complicated, for me and many women.

@Maxine – good question. You’d have to ask Sarah and Lori! I believe that some mothers who work in offices feel like they really don’t want their jobs to take away their ability to breastfeed. Since I was generally working at home when my babies were little I didn’t face the same choices.