@LK – thanks for this comment. Very true that it is all about experimentation. We have gone through various iterations of everything to see what works. And yes, the community aspect of where you are buying a house is very important!

I think the big question that many parents are wrestling with is, especially post pandemic, if I can work from home some days, and the kid can semi-entertain themselves, do I need child care for those hours? I’d love to see more about that. For us, we have been experimenting, and it is possible. We do end up working less. (I am salaried and have worked way over 40 hours in the past, so I feel like it’s ok to pull back a bit for a little while; my husband is self-employed and hourly.) But right now, I’m kind of ok with working a bit less, which will change in future semesters when I have different classes or leadership roles. I wonder what others are finding.

So much of the decision has to do with geography, too, I think. Around here, for those of us with just 1 kid on the lower income brackets, nannies are really expensive. Around here, just a regular babysitter costs $20 an hour. But, in our town, we have 3 different options for center-based after school care. It’s very different from the town we lived in before, just 40 minutes away, which had wait lists for any kind of programming. Our town even provides very low cost or free summer options, with no income restrictions, in addition to the 3 other full-summer, full day (2 truly full day) non-profit high quality summer programs. I think this is something that people don’t think about when they look at where to live. They look at the house and tax rates, but not enough at the community. When we were initially looking, some people poo-pooed our town because the test scores aren’t high. But it’s a big enough school district that kids have lots of options – lots of music, sports, and lots of AP offerings at the high school. And the diverse, mixed income levels means that there is demand for center-based programs, whereas other towns that may be wealthier very close to us don’t have that kind of demand that results in real options. And at the end of the day, I can teach my kid calculus or how to read – I have enough education that I feel confident I can teach him anything in a high school textbook. But I can’t teach him how to make friends with folks who are different from him. I feel like that’s the real purpose of schools, helping kids learn how to work with and care about others, not coach them toward high SAT scores. I think when people are house shopping, thinking about the community in the school, and the quality of the different child care options, and how far away schools, playgrounds, libraries, and community centers are, and whether they are on route to workplaces, are all just as important, maybe more so, as whether a place has granite counter tops and walk in closets. And whether it is a community open newcomers and to play dates. We hung out at playgrounds in different towns for a bit before buying, which helped me see that folks from this town were friendly and willing to chat and welcome new folks. Our last town wasn’t, and I have friends who say similar things about other towns. I feel really lucky we landed here, in a diverse and welcoming place with so many people working to support families and make the town better.

@Alyce – I’m so glad that you’re finding a good solution. And I’m really sorry that you had to deal with a suboptimal school situation!

Maggie, I tend to agree with Laura – my kids certainly do laundry and tidy (more or less), but there is more than enough cleaning to go around!

This was such a timely episode – we’re likely to have to hire a nanny who ideally handles some housekeeping on the side starting in June. With our daughter’s medical issues and intellectual disabilities, it’s impossible to find care. We’ve been struggling though a suboptimal child care situation since the fall because it was literally the only preschool that would accept my child. It’s been particularly hard on my husband who is the primary parent. It was worth it because we’ve always thought that the group setting was best for our daughter given her very outgoing personality, but now that she’s in a part time preschool for kids with disabilities, and soon kindergarten, she’ll still be able to get her socialization in.

Now we have a “full-stack” childcare system with redundancies to help avoid too much stress. Managing our redundancies takes a bit of work but isn’t overwhelming. My husband does the coordination work, but I’m the “coverage of last resort” when he can’t find someone. Feels pretty fair to us.

The kids have preschool/school and after care most of the time (day camps in the summer), we have a babysitter do pickup a couple of days each week so we can reliably work late if needed, and several babysitters who we can text to cover all those random days off of school or some of the unexpected snow days/sick days and of course, I WFH or take days off when everything else falls through.

@Elizabeth – so glad you figured out a good solution! It really does make life feel more calm to have a little more support.

@Maggie – driving is a big thing. But as for cleaning, in our house this is not an either/or thing. We pay for help with cleaning and we all wind up doing a lot of cleaning too. There is plenty of work to go around!

This is a good point I also thought about. I understand driving is almost essential in the U.S., but a 10yo can do laundry, and I would not see why a housekeeper should be paid to do that.