Anyway (potential spoiler alerts here if you haven’t read it), Natasha is now in a blissful family-growing state. Humorously, Tolstoy deems her a bit of a supermom because…she is nursing her babies herself. Well, three of the four of them. This cracks me up given modern breastfeeding narratives. Everyone is shocked by the Countess’s decision not to use a wet nurse after baby #1. I guess breast was best, just not your own breasts.

Since my little guy turns 2 before the end of the year, it looks like I will wind up nursing for the full WHO-recommended two years. I have never gone this long before. My other children all lost interest somewhere between 12-18 months. He is not losing interest. As a toddler, and a vocal one, he has lots of dictatorial opinions about when he wants “Mommy milk” vs. “Baba milk.” He will stop and tell me “other side” when he wishes to be switched over. He made his big brother get off a certain chair this morning because he refused to be fed anywhere other than that chair.

His second birthday is just one event occurring over the next six weeks, which are just going to be…full. Christmas is coming. I’ve bought way too much that will need to be wrapped and moved. Speaking of which…we are moving! It’s looking like the first week of January. I’m trying not to think about this too much — all the logistics of moving one house to another. We’re hiring movers but it will take them two days to pack and another day or two to cart everything over. I’m thinking I will just move the family into the new house on day one of that project, and take air mattresses/sleeping bags and suitcases. That way we won’t be frantically trying to protect certain things from getting packed up because we still need them. If anyone has done a local move and has tips I welcome them.

The manuscript of Tranquility by Tuesday is back in my lap. Those edits need to be turned around by the end of January. I’m always looking for a few more stories, so if you followed any of the rules (in the project or not in the project) and have a good story of transformation you’d be willing to share, let me know! As always, lvanderkam at yahoo dot com.

I’ll be running a time-tracking challenge the second week of January (though during the move would be pretty funny — sharing those logs with the world!). If you’ve been looking for a good time to track your time, January 10-16 will have the built-in accountability of other folks doing it too.

Last night I went to my eldest child’s choir concert. I skipped my own choir practice to do this, but it seemed like the right choice — I am happy to cheer on my kid as he develops a love of something I love too. It was really good! He’s in his high school’s main chorus and then he auditioned for (and joined) their select ensemble. I posted a quick clip from their a cappella version of Linus & Lucy over at Instagram (@lvanderkam). The 10-year-old tagged along with my husband and me and she enjoyed seeing the jazz band play a few pieces too. She just picked up the trumpet this fall and has made very quick progress. It is not an easy instrument to start but after two months she can recognizably play the melody of Jingle Bells.

Not too much else to report. I’m going to a Christmas party this weekend (I’m getting to be a pro at taking the rapid at-home Covid tests that some hosts ask for). I’ll watch a livestream of a Christmas concert. I put sending my Christmas cards on my to-do list but we shall see….

by Jim VanderKam

As Mary approaches a significant birthday (she catches up with me this week), I thought I would record some of the things I love and admire about her. This is hardly adequate, but it is a start, with items listed in no particular order.

Mary is really smart. Back when we were in school, she was always at the head of the class. Once we started dating, I tried matching her but never could, and the gap is only getting wider. Besides her far greater knowledge about how the world runs, I cite as evidence our work on crossword puzzles. We have been doing them together for years. At first we would sit down with a paper copy of the puzzle between us (it was cozy!). As time went on and our eyes were proving too elderly to see the one puzzle clearly, we started printing up a copy of the New York Times puzzle for each of us, although we solved them together (OK, there may have been competition from time to time). More recently we have each had the puzzle on our laptops and solve them together. But this is how it goes: no sooner does the puzzle open on our screens than Mary says something like “54 down is … and it joins 47 across which fits with 52 down.” At that point I am still trying to sound out the word “across” at the top of the first column of clues. She reads voraciously. Sure, British murder mysteries are favorites, but she also loves to read about, as she calls them, intrepid women and can often be seen studying hefty volumes about writers and even New Testament scholarship. She reads plenty of news and is enjoying it more after the inauguration in January. She has helped me out by reading drafts of books. Her suggestions and corrections regularly find their way into the finished product.

Mary is truly accomplished. She is not only smart, she has had a highly successful career in teaching, whether elementary children, children and adults who could profit from tutoring, or young mothers (and some fathers) who needed educational help to make them more successful as parents and wage earners. As one of those young mothers said, Mary is a legend in South Bend. She has volunteered her time and skill as organist and pianist many, many times, has led church adult classes, and been a member and chair of the church council.

Mary is sincerely kind and considerate, genuinely interested in other people. When she comes across something like an article or piece of news that she thinks might be of interest to someone else and that that person would like to see it, she sends it along. She is quick to complement or congratulate others upon their accomplishments and service, and she has a gift for communicating an encouraging or comforting word when that is needed.

Mary loves each member of our family and is devoted to them. In these pandemic days, she makes a concerted effort to stay in touch and loves to hear from any and all of them (pictures are most welcome). She enjoys visiting them, when conditions allow (and they have, even during the pandemic), is eager to hear about their lives, and is happy to visit by phone or Face Time.

Mary likes to satisfy her curiosity about places and things. She takes pleasure in planning trips and does so with care so that we stay in good places and see worthwhile sights that do not involve standing in long lines. Once we became eligible for COVID-19 vaccinations, she, through diligent effort, found appointments for us—something we were so grateful to have. Mary likes to explore new places, even though her spouse can prove less enthusiastic. We have different approaches. Mary is likely say: Let’s try something different. Her husband would likely think: Let’s do the same old thing.

Mary is a really good cook, and I love to eat what she cooks. If this sounds like an old-fashioned arrangement, let me explain that, when we were first married, we agreed that I would do the cooking a couple of times a week. After trying that perhaps no more than once, it became crystal clear that the plan was not feasible or at least that the results were unsatisfying. So, our compromise has been that Mary cooks—though she is liking it less these days—and I clean up afterwards. I think I got a great deal, and I am grateful to her for innumerable yummy, healthy meals.

Mary and I share a background. It is nice to have that in common. We are quite aware of the limitations of the community from which we came, but we are grateful for its virtues. It is a wonderful gift to share a faith.

And Mary is a wonderful gift for whom I thank God every day! Happy birthday, Mary!

Jim VanderKam is a retired professor living in New Jersey. 

We’ll continue talking about that over the next few months. In the meantime, I wanted to revisit the post about planning for peak experiences. I celebrated my birthday this past weekend, and as part of that, I was trying to plan ahead to put lots of fun things on the calendar. Psychologists know that experiences make people happier than stuff. One reason for this is that you can anticipate the experience, and then savor the memories afterwards.

What’s funny is that this savoring gives you a happiness boost even if in the moment not all was bliss. For instance, in describing my weekend to people, I mention that a highlight was attending the Holiday Train Show at the New York Botanical Garden with my family. I definitely have happy memories of seeing my two little guys squeal in delight at the trains (they had Thomas!) But to see the trains we had to wait in a line for 20 minutes with those same two little guys. Waiting in line with small children is stressful and unpleasant. But the alchemy of memory downplays that point.

Likewise with a toast to ring in my birthday at midnight going into the 5th. My choir, the Young New Yorkers’ Chorus, put on a very successful concert on the 4th (we packed 700+ people into the church! Any arts journalists reading this? Our choir can bring in 700 people in their 20s and 30s to hear classical music!) Afterwards, we went to a bar near Times Square, but by 11:40pm, I was tired, my feet hurt, etc. Nonetheless, I told my husband that I wanted to have a celebratory drink for my birthday. He dutifully ordered a bottle of champagne and we passed around glasses to the choir members who were still there. Now, the fact that I was tired and my feet hurt is kind of incidental to the memory. What I’m enjoying is remembering the smiles and the “Happy Birthdays!” as we toasted.

I am trying to learn to remember these things — that you will generally look back positively on the things you did, seizing on the positive moments, even if there were some tepid or stressful moments involved. It was a full weekend, but even so, there was enough open space to relax. Planning for fun is a good use of time, and creating memories is a good use of money.

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