Then there are those of us whose children are “the by-product of sex.”

@Byrd – Thanks! I have discovered over the years that this is just a way people use to try to relate to each other. Parenthood is a fairly common experience and so these types of comments are a way to try to establish common ground. But…yeah. Pretty meaningless!

@Ana- yes, I was thinking about this when someone described a business/coaching practice of helping women rethink their lives after the kids leave. I recognize that there may be more time but I’m pretty sure I have a reasonable sense of what I’d like to be doing with myself then. But if that has been your sole focus for 21 years (2 kids 3 years apart) then people really do have to figure out a new identity. Or become one of those parents accompanying kids to job interviews, I guess.

@SHU – that was a great post! I think one of the unsung upsides of having 4 children is that no one says to me “just you wait!” anymore about anything parenting related. Whether it is the craziness if children’s activities, or the sullenness/delinquency of teenagers, most people give enough mental credit for the extra 2 children over the norm that they do not presume it has all been easy to this point.

Fun seeing 5-week old A in that post. I started reading your blog when she was about 1, so I never saw the baby pics.

It made an impression!

Your last point may be the most important. It’s a terrible burden on a child for sure. Despite my large brood, I won’t set myself up for empty nest syndrome or make my kids feel responsible for my happiness. It’s a child’s job to grow up and parenting is a temp job.

Mothering is the most important thing I’ve done, likely because I never had a “career with a big C”, but I have goals, interests and passions that have nothing to do with motherhood, and when my kids are all gone, I will pursue those more (7 kids does limit one!).