I often suggest making a commitment to something — joining a choir, a softball team, or doing a regular volunteer gig — because the commitment aspect makes it happen. You can “take one night for you” by taking a bubble bath, but since that can happen whenever (your bath tub isn’t going anywhere), it will get bumped if life gets busy, or if someone would prefer you do something else. If you play in a string quartet, on the other hand, you have to be there for the rehearsals…or they are a string trio.

In any case, the usual question I get about this rule is “how.” People have multiple young kids and no childcare, or they work late or unpredictably, or so forth. The logistics are challenging.

But after I started sharing this rule broadly I started to hear a different question — “what?”

As in, I don’t even know what I’d want to commit to. How do I figure out what I’d want to do one night a week that would make me feel energized and excited about life?

For me this question has been relatively easy, as I’ve always loved to sing. I have sung in choirs for most of my adult life. More practically: I am a regular church attendee, and my church has a choir, so I’m either listening to the choir or singing with it most weeks one way or the other, and active participation sounds better than the alternative.

But many times people don’t know. You can be so busy for so long that you just haven’t thought about it. One Tranquility by Tuesday participant told me that “It’s hard to even comprehend having a night off that isn’t for work.” Another lamented that ‘I really don’t know, which is probably the crux of the problem. What to do, not when to do it.”

So if you, too, are stumbling over this question, try a few things.

1. Think back. What activities did you do as a kid, or as a young adult? People do lots of extra-curricular activities in high school and college. Did you particularly look forward to any of them? Try to list a handful of things you enjoyed.

2. Ask around. Different communities have different options, and often the only way to find out about more off-beat activities is to know someone who’s involved. This is a great use of weak ties. You know what your best friends do for fun. You don’t know what all the posters in your neighborhood parents Facebook page do. So ask them. You may not find a perfect overlap, but you could think broadly. You’d like to sing in an a cappella group, but if there isn’t one, you could sing in a choir. Your first choice sport is softball, but the local adult kickball league is more active, so you go with that.

3. Try something out. Since I want people to get started with “take one night for you” right away, stop gap measures are fine as you hunt around. Nothing needs to be locked in forever. You could take an adult ice skating class for six weeks and just see how it goes. You can also try things out as you wait for other opportunities — taking music lessons if your local community orchestra isn’t holding auditions until next fall.

4. Tune up as necessary. It’s quite possible that your first attempt won’t be perfect. But that’s OK. The point is to get in the habit of carving out time for your interests, and as you do, you will become more aware of what is available and what might be possible. Your music instructor will point you toward a small ensemble that needs a trumpet player, or a friend on your kickball team will suggest you both go play in a softball league that’s starting up one town over.

Over time, you’ll find yourself doing what you want to do. And then you won’t be able to imagine life without taking this night “off” from your other responsibilities. You will look forward to it all week— and that is the point of this Tranquility by Tuesday rule.

Do you take one night “off?” What do you do with it? How did you choose that?

In other news: For some upcoming articles I would love to talk to people who have seen results from trying a few other rules. Have you given yourself a bedtime and want to talk about it? Let me know! I’m also looking for some folks who have leaned in to the “effortful before effortless” rules and have shifted how they spend their leisure time. As always, you can reach me at laura at lauravanderkam.com.

Reviews! I’m loving some of the TBT reviews that people are posting. Yesterday, Elisabeth Frost posted a lovely write up over at her blog (which you should start reading regularly!).

So I went on an “editing retreat” this week. On Tuesday I drove to Cape May, New Jersey, and stayed at a hotel on the beach. It had a little kitchen and a balcony, so I could keep food in the fridge and sit outside when I wanted. I worked all Tuesday evening, all of Wednesday, and then Thursday morning.

The logistics of getting away were not easy. My husband wound up covering a lot of stuff. But it was a really good experience, just having that complete autonomy over my time, and getting to work without someone else stopping me. I could go through the manuscript and think of it as a whole. I made a lot of progress.

I also realized, while in Cape May, that it has been a long time since I have been by myself for any length of time. I went to sleep when I wanted to go to sleep. I woke up on my own (but early… 6:45 both days). I ran in the mornings, which is hard to do amid all our bus pick-ups. I ate what I wanted to eat, when I wanted to eat. I enjoyed the lovely surroundings. Cape May is beautiful in the off-season, with the leaves just changing color, the birds flying by on their migrations and the sun rising and setting over the beach and the water (since it is a cape…). I went for a sunset walk on Wednesday, putting my toes in the water, then came back to work on the porch for an hour, and then inside for two more hours. Amazing.

Now it is back to normal life, and all that is going on here. Everyone appears to have survived. They got to school on time. They even took their instruments and brought them home. This was complicated to make happen, but I’m really glad I did. Hopefully the manuscript will reflect that.

In other news: The Frugal Girl wrote a great post yesterday about how your gratitude muscles get stronger when it feels hard to be grateful. She referenced a recent Before Breakfast podcast called “This is when you get stronger.” Please check it out!