@Dana – we definitely love to talk about how families manage two big careers. There’s a pretty big assumption out there that it is impossible or too crazy to try but we love to talk about people who find it doable.

Not to pile on, but I agree with the above comments that Laura and even Sarah had a really off-putting tone in the answer to this question. I listen to this podcast a lot and was excited about this episode because of this particular Q&A. The degree to which you guys scoffed and said she “should” have plenty of time was thoughtless, and insinuating that their kids aren’t independent enough is fairly rude. Young kids are an energy drain, households need to be run, commuting is exhausting, etc.

I suspect that so many of your readers and listeners are feeling the way that questioner is–I know I am!–so to be so dismissive of her concerns seems counterproductive. The comments above are way more empathetic and give more concrete advice (thanks, @YC!) than the podcast did.

One other thought for the questioner in the podcast–is it worth looking at jobs that allow for some working at home? That makes all the difference for me.

I felt the same way when I listened to the podcast. The advice given seemed useful, but the tone wasn’t very empathetic. I don’t think “shoulds” are usually very helpful, particularly when they’re about how one “should” feel.

Separately, I’m not sure if the number of hours in a day is always the most important metric to focus on; for many people, energy (physical and/or emotional) runs out before time, and it’s hard to deploy hours at the end of the day effectively if you feel like sludge. Maybe some carefully-targeted downtime between work and home would help, or something fun to look forward to at the end of the day. To me the tone of the question makes it sound like the issue isn’t only hours, but also a lack of joy in the routine.

I wonder if some of this stems from the fact that many questions around balancing work and life are about the future. For people wondering how to balance a career and kids in the future, pointing out the 62 hours left or saying that it gets easier after they’re past the toddler stage can be really useful. But for a person struggling now, it doesn’t really matter if a 6 and 8 year old shouldn’t be as hard, it feels hard to her. I think the answer could have used a lot less judgement about why it actually shouldn’t be so hard in between the really useful advice.

(And maybe it’s rude to note another podcast, but I’ve noticed that the “Happier” podcast does a really good job with this. For a wide variety of questions do a really nice job of thoroughly acknowledging that whatever is going on is a difficult situation and never seem to belittle or trivialize the question.)

@Chelsea – yep, a commute can be a total energy suck. Long term, it might be worth looking into changing.

@Sarah – I think if I had a long commute I would hate to leave the house afterwards. carpools can be amazing!

@Lisa – so glad the “three times a week is a habit” idea was helpful to you. I agree that for this listener, aiming to exercise 3x per week could be really helpful…and realistic.

@Gillian – totally agree that kids need to take the lead on homework. And yep, exercise can be done at home, and this couple can certainly trade off evenings or early mornings or weekends to fit it in.