I think the perception comes from the fact that there is so much low-quality childcare, or the really good childcare is $$$$. When I checked 3 years ago, infant care (< 1 year old) at the center we sent our older child to as a toddler was $2500 per month for ONE KID. I can see how most people wouldn't be able to afford that and would have to choose something with lower quality.

We pay less than that now for 2 kids in full time Montessori school. It would be super cool if we could get something like public school for daycare – where everyone was guaranteed a spot, low-to-no cost and a bar for quality.

Yes, yes, yes! it is those outer expectations that can put so much pressure on a mother who ,already has her own expectations on how she is going to be a mother. Go with your gut is such good advice!

My husband wishes he could stay home with the kids : )
he purely works for a paycheck, luckily its a decent one. I work too, my benefits are good but its just a job. I would love to have a career and that has been my struggle before, and now, after kids. I want to work, but I want to make a difference with what I do and I really crave a sense of accomplishment.

I also wonder if there was more going on in the background. I’ve been a graduate student for the past five years and I’ve been in two different departments in that time. One was lovely, well managed, collegial, collaborative, etc. The professors were all very happy (even though many worked long hours — professors in competitive academic departments may have flexibility, but they usually work more than a standard 40 hours work week, not less). The department also had lots of resources because it was in a business school. The other department was the opposite — poorly managed, hierarchical, with no collaboration or collegiality at all. A number of professors in this department left, but a few stayed on because they had spouses with jobs that couldn’t easily be transferred. So, they were fairly miserable and felt unappreciated and underpaid (this was not a business school). The point is, perhaps Beth’s department was horrible and she hated going to work. Though professors work fairly independently, they are not immune from office politics or even manipulative class scheduling (yes, professors who caused the administration trouble in my department often got stuck with the 8 am MWF class slot, while others got their requests to have TTh classes). Once you are in a terrible department, it can be easy to get down on the entire academic bureaucracy and decide you want out.

Or, on the other side, perhaps she was getting close to the tenure decision point and knew she wouldn’t get it. Lots of people get ousted from academia at that time in their career. Some move on to lesser schools, but if she had decided she didn’t really like research pressure at that point, AND she wanted to be home more with the kids, I can see how she might decide to opt out of this career track she had been on.

I agree with others who have commented on the fact that it seems unfair to throw the earning responsibility on her husband, BUT, she might feel like she’s put in her time supporting the family and it is his turn now. This is the case in my family. My husband has been very clear that he is waiting for me to finish my degree so that I can become the primary earner and then he plans to step back some (or maybe entirely — he loves the idea of being a stay-at-home dad).

I’ll be honest I was never the best at the little baby/kid stuff. I hugged and loved and did what needed to be done, but born with the patience to read Goodnight Moon a hundred times I was not! (This may be why I started reading CS Lewis to them when they were 4)But I can not tell you how amazing it is when they make a decision based on principles you have taught them. When you see them in action or receive a compliment on something they have done that you had no idea about. I learned a long time ago, i am not a perfect mom, but I am the one they got. Trying to live up to someone else’s expectations of what motherhood should be was making me miserable. So enjoy those babies. Go with your gut and I promise if you are happy they will be too!

@ARC – I always marvel when I hear or see someone refer to “baby prison.” If prison were like the daycare we sent our oldest to, people would be scrambling to get in, and employers would be lining up to hire people on the way out.
The only similarity between the childcare center and actual prison is probably the cost.

+1 to this. Toddler daycare is the best thing that I never knew we needed for our girls. (Not to mention #2 was entirely potty trained at daycare 6 months before I was even going to think about it!) I suspect a lot of people don’t know what they’re missing when it comes to high quality group care.

I remember reading an article about Denmark, where it is expected that you send your toddler to group childcare even if you don’t work – that culturally they recognize parents need a break for a few hours a day and kids do well in such a setting, too.

So true about “retiring early” 🙂 Also, the frugality aspect of it is such a personal thing – whether you want to take on that challenge of living on one income and doing without things you wouldn’t have given a second thought to if both partners were earning. I’m guessing some people are more inclined to that kind of lifestyle.

eh, I suppose some people who have not used daycare, nannies, or pre-schools may see childcare in a negative light. I would have to guess that would be a cultural view. But as someone who has had to use day-care, I could tell that commenter that my children are better off for having that experience and those care givers in their lives. In fact their pre-school day care is so much more diverse and educational than any situation at home would have been. And I did stay home for 2 yrs. Hooray for the mom or dad that can stay home with their family. And Hooray for the working 2 parent families that choose good quality care for their children.

‘My children are becoming fantastic young adults who I am excited to know and who I think will be leaders in the world! ‘ Amen to that!
Isn’t that the main goal? to raise responsible, interesting, kind people who will make a difference in the future? That’s half my battle daily- what do I let go and chalk up to childhood, and what do I break down and explain and enforce to my 3 & 5 yr old. I feel like my mind is constantly spinning.