@Twin Mom: True, but recognizing that the time is there, even if it comes in small spurts, is the first step toward figuring out either ways to combine it or seize it. (A poem can be read in 5 minutes, for instance…) With little kids though, this doesn’t preclude free time, even if you are their primary caregiver. They sleep, for instance. At some point, they start going to preschool. And I have learned that other people’s children go to bed much earlier than mine! If kids go to bed at 8, and you go down at 10:30, that’s time that could be seized. Also, even when people are the primary caregivers, the other parent is around sometimes — could they take them for a shift on weekends, one evening a week? That carves out free time as well.

Americans (and I’m sure other cultures have this problem, although they might describe it differently) suffer from the Puritan work ethic which was woven into our national mind-set centuries ago. We are raised with the idea that any time in which they are not actively doing something is wasted time.

This isn’t unique to modern parents. Many people without children fit Laura’s description of claiming “we have no free time because it’s a way to show how dedicated we are […] We also have this perception of leisure time as meaning something decadent …”

Wool-gathering, day-dreaming, and staring into space can all be time well spent when they provide the harried brain with a little down-time. Some call it “meditation,” whether they seriously mean it that way or use the word as a way of saying,”I’m not goofing off, really!”

Experience shows (and studies bear out) that taking a few minutes from time to time to breathe mindfully (with closed eyes, if possible) provides a dandy mini-break.

Seems to me valuing this kind of time is an important lesson for children to learn, and who better to teach them than their parents?

@Cloud- congrats on the job interview! I’m sorry to hear that someone who would have any influence in such a situation would think that way… I mean, really, what are you supposed to say? “Actually, I prefer a culture where we sleep in our office chairs and spend 6 hours a day in chat rooms because we’re done with our work, but our culture says success means not leaving before 2AM!” Does he not realize that “face time” has a negative connotation? Certainly more negative than “results.” Hmmm….

@Denise- thanks for reading the blog! No one dedicates all their time to their children. The important thing is to build a good life where you can spend lots of hours on the things that matter to you. It’s always a journey, but definitely worth it.

The honest fact for me is that my productivity peaks at about 40-50 hours/week. If I work more than that for a long period of time, my productivity starts to go down, until I’m actually getting less done than I would if I was working more reasonable hours. But admitting this is a risky thing to do, even though I have never been criticized for my productivity at work, and am often praised for it at review time.

So, our macho “I work such long hours” culture supports itself by forcing those of us who work more reasonable amounts of time to keep it to ourselves. I know that I’ll be more careful in my next interview.